614: Results of Falling but Never Giving Up (19 of 30)

I have found this journey of reasserting my direction with blogging, and specifically this 30 days of self-forgiveness to be in a way seamless and effortless. Of course, practically speaking, it's not. I must sit down daily and write out the points, correct any mistakes, pick out art, add the tags and share it online. There is physical effort involved, however, my experience within it seems much more effortless than all the times I've tried before. And to me, that is something to consider...

Years and years of inconsistency, starting and stopping, trying and giving up has been the journey for me to get to where I am now where I am very much enjoying this process of sharing. And I often time forget the real-time effort it takes to 'get the point'. Not saying I'm perfect within this. What I'm saying is the years of work I've put in, whether I was satisfied or not, created an outcome where eventually I did get to a point of satisfaction. As much as I thought I gave up in moments, it never lasted and I always returned because within me is the principle to push beyond my limitations, to dare and care to share and to show myself what I'm actually made of.

And the value has been in all the attempts, all the time, all the efforts. Nothing is created overnight, things take time to accumulate and manifest, and our process of creation is never-ending. This to me is evolution... the constant improving and specifying, changing and becoming stronger based on what we've already done.

I've often expected things in this process to move quickly and to see instant results and most times I was let down. And so it's important for me to remember what it actually takes to create change within myself... the repeating decision to start, and the physical act of doing, while giving myself ROOM to grow.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the time it takes to create change within myself and instead always expect instant results

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold expectations within myself in relation to the time things will take to create, to change, to correct instead of realizing there is no timeframe, only the timeline of what I walk, what I'm willing to do, and how often I take advantage of the moments of my day to act within a new script of what I will accept and allow as who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself in moments where I think I'm taking too long on things instead of realizing the journey is in the learning, of going through the motions and understanding where we got it, and where we need more work, but to never ever give up on the point and to keep pushing, moving, applying until we 'get it' and are satisfied with that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want instant change without any effort as how it exists in my mind where I can just think of something that generates a good feeling and my experience becomes one I'm satisfied with, instead of realizing LIFE and REALITY doesn't work that way... we are in physical space and time with physical laws and limitations and thus I must be willing to stand one and equal to THAT reality and do within that reality what is necessary to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I want something bad enough it will happen instead of realizing what actually creates is consistency in application, in physically moving and doing even despite those moments of not wanting to do it, and to never give up even if we do for a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to race through life in wanting things here and now instead of realizing the value of the physical process of manifesting change... where I allow myself the time to see, realize, and understand myself and how I've actually created myself and to see the specificity in the design of how I re-create myself so that I may UNDERSTAND creation rather than it just being here in an instant and have no idea how it happened

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself in moments throughout this process where I didn't give myself the space and time to process, to learn, to correct, to try again, and to keep at it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a timeframe on my process where I think if I don't achieve something within a certain timeframe, I must be messing up or missing something instead of sticking to the principles and the physical actions and to trust that is where my focus must be as the actual source of what creates change

When and as I see myself wanting change here and now in an instant, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand how long it can possibly take to change within myself as I've seen here within blogging... it's been almost 10 years of this, of pushing, and only now do I see a change and so I commit myself to stop needing things to move quickly and to rather embrace the journey and utilize each moment to get to know myself and to get to know what must be done to create that change and to commit myself to do what's necessary to be done, for as long as it takes. Until it is done.

When and as I see myself becoming hard on myself for falling or inconsistencies, or giving up, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that that is part of the process and falling, being inconsistent and giving up sometimes does not take away the value of this process... and each attempt and push is a +1 in this accumulation process of creating.

When and as I see myself expecting instant results of change, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, that this desire is coming from my habit of living in the mind where I can just think of something and poof there it is but I understand that is not how physical reality works and so I commit myself to put my two feet on the ground within physical reality, that which is actually real, and put in the time and effort to get things done, to keep supporting myself as I see, after all these years, the result of changing our programming.

I commit myself to this process for me, as all as one as equal, until it is done.

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