Kristina's Journey to Life

Every type of spiritual texts or channeled material or body of work that relates to the self and the development of the self, I've come across states the same thing... S L O W  D O W N. Slow down.  Move slower. Take more time to consider and reflect. Stop moving so fast.  And with having this knowledge for all these years, and having practiced it here and there, I can see there is still this rushness to "get on" with it - on to the next action, the next moment, the next step in the process of a day.  As I got up this morning and preparing to take my hour in the office before I start the day with the kids (my partner and I have set up a specific schedule for us so that I may have some time for me before the day starts and before he works for the day) - and I was stepping out of the RV and walking across the yard to our tiny house while my coffee spilled with each step I took, I reflected on my state of being.  I was rushing. I was moving fast. I was quick to get ...

A point here of when it's time to get off work this rush-ness kicks in where I start physically moving faster to get home as quickly as possible. It's the only logical speed to get away from something you are not comfortable in... and to get back to your comfort zone as fast as possible. Though, the more logical thing would be to ask myself why? Why am I uncomfortable at work? What is really going on within me, and my relationship to co-workers, my actual position and the overall time spent there each day? THAT is where discomfort becomes a gift in seeing WHAT I am uncomfortable with and why because THEN I can change it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush out of work the moment I am able to leave - rushing to the car, rushing on the drive home... rushing to get 'back' to my comfort zone as quickly as possible I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to, as soon as the clock turns 5, to pack up and...

Here I'm continuing with the point from yesterday's blog - in not considering others, or things in my environment when I'm moving/walking too fast, and so often bumping into people, or things and so making a point to become humble when walking. And so the self-forgiveness: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speed while walking, and to within this - not slow down enough to consider others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push through crowds of people, and to take the lead when walking fast, not caring about who I bump into, or who I cut off I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to slow down and consider others - taking a step back, and allowing others to go first I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so automated in my walking fast that I do not even notice others around me that might perhaps actually need to move before me, but instead I just take the lead to g...

The other day I was walking in the grocery store picking up just a few things. I was on my way to work after, but with plenty of time to pick up the few things I needed. There was no rush. However, the way I was walking you would think it was 80 degrees outside and I had a dog in the car. At one point, I went down an isle with a woman who had a cart with her, and was coming toward me, and I going toward her, and there in the middle of us were two workers stocking the shelf. The isle became narrow, and I just plowed my way through - apologizing and excusing myself while I sped past her. In that moment I realized whoa - here you go... you are walking WAY too fast. You have plenty of time, and look how you just forced yourself through people without stopping. I stopped in my tracks in that moment. I took a breath, and I saw here was the perfect moment to slow down and consider my speed. I walked slowly to the cash register... reflecting how part of the pattern of my speedy walking...

Today I was reading a group discussion in relation to stress. One of the points brought up was regarding the experience of rushing/fastness when one is stressed. That then brought up the point of the speed in which one walks. I have for a long time been a fast walker. Generally I must slow down with certain people. Within me there is this 'I'm already steps ahead of you', and I have to literally hold myself back. I have often dubbed this up to being in the service industry most of my adult life and so simply through needing to move fast while at work, this spilled over into my every day life when I'm walking. I have never really taken any time to look at this point though, so that is why I wanted to write a blog about it - to bring some awareness to myself as I walk, and to see if I can deliberately slow myself down. Within that, I can investigate the experience of slowing down - if there are any thoughts/reactions to slowing down. And in that, can forgive any p...

One thing I've noticed about myself lately is this lack of awareness while at work. A couple nights ago this was exemplified by the fact that while standing with some people, I took slight movement backwards, and I tripped and fell right on my butt. It was quite the scene too - like overly dramatic was the fall. lol - it was funny, and I did my best not to take it personally, or feel embarrassed , because it was just an accident, it happened.. nothing to do about it now, except notice and question why did I fall? Why was I not aware of what was behind me, why was I not aware of my environment in that moment, and so how to move myself in a way where I wouldn't fall? This experience shed a light on something I've been slowly realizing more and more, which is that I often lack the self-awareness, and the slowing down within myself, to really take notice, and pay attention to who I am at work - as my thoughts, my words, and my deeds. I've noticed that I require to be an...

Continuing with the self-commitment and corrective statements in relation to my  previous blog ... When and as I see myself approaching daily blogging within a starting point of getting it done as quickly as possible, and wanting to get it over with as soon as possible, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is due to me not directing myself through a resistance to daily blogging and so accumulated this resistance that then influence how I approach it when I do decide to write a blog. I commit myself to realizing and understanding that this is my creation and consequence of what I accept and allow as a resistance as well as committing myself to re-direct my approach/starting point of blogging to be that of slowing down, and allowing myself to embrace the moment as me writing through breath When and as I see myself writing a blog within the speed of my mind, as simply pulling knowledge and information out of me, to place the words as quickly as possible,...

To continue form yesterday’s blog – the main points being a reaction I saw of self-judgment consisting of blaming myself for being a ‘cheerleader/motivational speaker’ that speaks nice words, but are not grounded in physical reality. Further in my writings , seeing that this reaction was stemming from two sources – first being that I do not allow myself to stop , breathe and slow myself down as I write my blog, instead I generally grab a point or topic I can write about and quickly get it done as fast as I can, like pulling of a band-aid or something. Which is funny, because blogging is not such a painful experience, yet I do see how a resistance formed to daily blogging has in a way influenced my approach to it, which is get it done and through it as quickly as possible. As if that is the point – to just produce the blog. When in reality the process as a whole, each moment as each word, is what matters. And since I am just usually rushing through the writing process, I am not ‘h...

After writing and publishing last night’s blog I noticed a familiar reaction come up within me. Often I go into self-judgment where I will feel as though my writings are too abstract, or not grounded/concrete enough and I end up just sounding like a cheerleader or motivational speaker – simply speaking words that have no real basis or understanding in practical, physical reality. Later what I realized is that the reason for this, is two points actually. The first being, that after reading some other blogs yesterday about ‘slowing down’ – I realized this is not something I really do with my blog. Like I never sit there for a moment, take a deep breath in and ‘see’ what is here for me to write. Often I go to blog about a point that I've decided upon earlier in the day or evening, which is fine, though I notice it’s within this rushing experience of like, ‘Oh great – got my blog point, okay now MOVE.’ And so what happens is I go into writing the blog, and I’m just so quick w...

Continuing here from the previous blog , the following are the commitment statements and corrections to be lived from the self forgiveness applied towards my relationship to time: Art by: Chiara Aime When and as I see myself react negatively to the time it will take to complete a particular Agreement Course lesson, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the reaction and back into and as my physical body within the realization that the negative reaction is fueling the polarity relationship I have created within and towards time wherein I have thought that the quicker I get something done, the better I am and so seeing and realizing the negative reaction is due to the fear of being seen/living out the negative definition I have given to the time it takes to get something done as slower is worse and so I commit myself to no longer participate in the polarity relationship as quicker is better and longer is worse and to instead work with physical space and time, as breath by...