Kristina's Journey to Life

In the last few blogs I have been writing about this point of self worth and how I have come to accept that it's something I must find outside of myself - either through relationships or fashion or the amount of money I have or don't have. Today was interesting because I saw yet another point within myself in relation to defining my self worth and the experience thereof on something outside of myself. I had class today and the experience of myself before class was that of frustration and irritation - again. That is now twice this week. I could see what I was accepting and allowing within myself that then created this frustration - so I slowed myself down and breathed as to not accept and allow myself to continue participating in the frustration and irritation and instead let it go and bring myself back to myself in the moment. Once I got to class, the professor was handing back a test we took from last week. I recall not being as confident taking that test as I have ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up on the responsibilities and commitments I have made I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up on certain responsibilities and commitments in my life because a new 'focus' has recently opened within my life that I define within my mind as 'better' and thus desire to give it more attention I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this one point as more than the other things in my life - where I judge things in my life according to the experiences I allow within myself that produce good or bad feelings and so according to this reaction - to an energetic reactions based on definitions and perceptions in my mind - determine what I will give my attention and focus on and within this define some things as responsibility and commitments in my life that I have been walking as not good enough, in producing the 'feel good' feelings that...

Excuses to not do what I have committed myself to do. Last night I came home from work with a headache. The headache is a similar pain I Have had before - and I know it's from thinking - from existing within ego and participating in the energy of 'highs and lows' wherein I use energy to move me and direct me in my world. After allow the positive energy to fuel me and I move and take many actions - I end up cycling back to the low so that the equation may balance itself out - and thus end up 'feeling' like not doing anything. And again - allow this energetic emotion direct me as energy that fuels me to not do anything. So last night I could have written for myself - yet I 'chose' not to - as I was giving myself all sorts of excuses such as 'I'm in too much pain' and 'I don't feel like it' These are the moments I require to allow myself to realize the gift of SELF - MOVEMENT - wherein I do not require energy as thoughts and feelin...

An interesting point I realized within walking FEARS They are ALWAYS based within Self Interest. Whether it's fear of others opinions of me, fear of a tree falling on my house - or fear of something happening to me - it's always about me. About my experience - about my feelings, about how I will react or do react. Fear is just another way we allow ourselves to exist within self interest - and not consider the whole. While we are busy within our own fears of our own survival - we fail to see the bigger picture that shows each and everyone of our fears manifesting. We fail to see what we are creating. So cool to walk through fears - facing the fears we have , as it is a way we take self responsibility for ourselves as this world. And for those that say.... "I don't fear anything" I call your bluff and dare you to be self honest. It is the best gift you can give to yourself as well as getting to a point of realizing what is Best for All. Investigate yours...

Day 2 Here SO I got my internet back. Now we just need it at my place and we will be 'back on track'. Interesting point today while I was driving home from work - I was on the highway, just driving along. When I found myself not breathing - so I then began to take some deep breathes to bring myself back, out of the Mind. As I was busy breathing myself back to awareness of myself, I noticed I drove right back the exit I was suppose to take. I then had to take a much longer way home. This is interesting because this is how the Mind Works. It is a distraction we use to separate ourselves, there involves no awareness of what we are actually doing - we are just zombies moving automatically - not directive self will involved at all - and what happens, is we miss the point completely. We miss ourselves. We end up having to take a longer route back 'home'. Breathing brings is all back Here. Once I got home, I was walking inside and I realized the last few weeks I have n...