Kristina's Journey to Life

In the last 4 months of not smoking, I've noticed a peculiar behavior emerge. It probably did not emerge just in the last 4 months, but it was in removing the habit of smoking that I started to notice and become aware of this other habit I had. And it very much still relates to why I was smoking and reveals more of the reasons behind my smoking. The habit is when I am talking to someone - on the phone, or in person, I notice this mostly when I'm at work, I become anxious and I reach for food. Most times I've noticed it where I'll reach for  whatever snack, mostly nuts, that I keep at my desk, and it's been obvious to me that it's this anxiety triggering the behavior to reach for food, because often times I'm not hungry, I have not had the thought prior to it about having a snack or anything else.  Initially, it was just something I started noticing myself doing... I would be talking to someone and all of a sudden I'm trying to talk to them whil...

A month or so ago I was experiencing this point of being overwhelmed and like I was 'wanted' in so many directions... between getting a new puppy, how busy I was at work, continuing to maintain the house with the other cats and my partner, the daily responsibilities I have, I was feeling quite anxious and tense in seeing all the places "I was needed". And so I did some self-forgiveness to support myself in slowing down, stopping the energetic experience and to start seeing solutions. Enjoy! I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel I cannot control myself when I am being pulled in so many directions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though I'm being bombarded from all angles in my environment and to exist within the thought, 'I can't take it' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as if I'm being pushed and pulled in all sorts of directions in m...

Continuing on with the fourth recording of the series about the point of Giving Up I've been listening to by the Atlantean's, it's all about the practical support and assistance we can give to ourselves to no longer simply play out or act out the pattern of giving up, and instead rather direct ourselves through it, and in that, actually expand ourselves as who we are in relation to that particular thing and see or rather LIVE the potential within us. For me the most supportive point was to realize how that giving up really is simply an emotional reaction, and so like any emotional reaction I face, the corrective application to support myself within such a moment of facing it is to stop and breathe, and in that, stand up within/as my physical body - where instead of completely allowing the mind as the emotional reaction to take over, to instead breathe within/as my body, ground myself in the moment HERE and so my physical environment and to stabilize any reactions ...

This is Day 6 of a 21-Day Breathing Challenge I have given to myself - you can read this series starter here . Today for my World Politics class I had to participate in a group presentation. There were 5 of us - and this to me was a savior. During this semester I have had 2 other presentations I had to do, one was solo and the other was another group presentation. Who was I within 'presenting'? THE manifestation of anxiety. Heart racing, blood rushing to my face, hands shaking,voice unstable. I was quite a mess. The first time was a train wreck. The 2nd time the pressure was off as I was in a group, yet the symptoms were still there. This time around, I found my grounding with breathing. Also, I prepared more effectively for this presentation and so gave myself the support in having practiced the presentation - yet while sitting in class, and as group after group finished their presentation, it was getting closer... the moment... I had to face myself as a presenter. The mo...

A fear of death came up within me when having to go through some medical procedures I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with in fear anytime I have a physical pain or discomfort I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my physical body as experiencing myself as inferior to it as at any moment something could manifest within and as my physical body that could end my life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear no longer living instead of realizing I have never lived, as I have never been here, as I have always existed within my mind separate from the actual physical reality, and thus the fear I see is a fear of losing my mind – the internal reality as thoughts and internal conversations and personalities and characters and memories and self definitions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the ...

Tonight I reacted to seeing another had seen some of my videos on youtube . Here self forgiveness for the experience. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the idea of another seeing my videos I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within myself as fear to the idea of another seeing my videos, yet present an image of myself as calm and not worrying about it I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear another was seeing my videos and judging me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself within my videos and project them unto another I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear another seeing my videos and laughing at me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine and picture in my mind another watching my vids at a friends house and them laughing at me I delete this image within my mind I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being laugh...

Yesterday I had reactions to a person writing to me. I reacted to his blame and took his words personally and within this 'negative' experience, I attempted to 'find the positive'. I was accepting his reactions and accepted them as my own through reacting myself... and it was so fast from this moment I went into thoughts on how I could make this experience 'something good' within myself. Yet - I had already accepted the 'negative' polarity within myself and from this attempted to move to the positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react 'negatively' to another's words to/towards me as defense and fear I forgive myself for accepting and alloiwng myself to participate in the reactions of another to/towards me through reacting myself and thus believe his words to be true and then accept the experience of myself as not being good enough I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the doubt in another...

Class started 2 days ago – and I am already feeling ‘overwhlemed’ and it was based in thoughts of fear “what if this semester is not as smooth sailing as the last one?” “what if I don’t do as well this semester?” “how am I going to keep up with all my responsibilities and school work” “summer semester is more intense, can I handle this?” and then from here – fear and anxiety that ‘I will not make it’ and fear of it not going well. Anxiety and nervousness about not doing well this semester – and it’s only 2 days into to the semester. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not doing well in my summer semester of school I forgive myself for accepting and allowing back chat to influence and direct the experience of myself where I accept the experience of fear and anxiety I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed after only 2 days of the summer semester based on ideas and back chat that define the semester as ‘more intense’ and thus th...

I just finished my first of two finals for the first semester at college. This is actually my second attempt of achieving a 'higher education' - yet something is different this time. Me. I am different. The school and the classes are the same - yet who I am within the school and classes has changed. When I made my first attempt at school 2 years ago - it was within the starting point of 'this is what I Have to do'. "I'm not doing anything so why not" "I feel bad about myself, I graduated 7 years ago - what am I doing with my Life." It was a decision made out of fear - fear of failing - of not 'doing what I'm suppose to do' - it was within wanting to 'be better'. I was full of reasons for going back to school - and none were within self honesty or best for all interest. It was based in self interest, self image and all things dishonest. After just a month of classes - I was accepting and allowing all sorts of thoughts of re...

SO this weekend was the Desteni America Meeting. It was a very cool experience being with others that are Standing and applying and Living the Same Principles, and who are going through the same points. AND being around others willing to open up and share what it is that's being experienced, without fear was so cool. Much support was offered this weekend, not with the intentional offering of support - but just by communicating and sharing one's experience, I was able to relate to a lot of what was said, and assisted me in realizing it's not just me going through points within myself - I'm not the only one 'facing myself'. We all have a secret world within ourselves/as our Minds - it's just whether we are willing to expose it to ourselves and others. So it was cool to hear others stories of what they have gone through, what experiences they have in relation to reactions and points that come up and to realize that I'm not alone. And there is no reason ...