Kristina's Journey to Life

Continuing on with the Self Forgiveness process from the writing of Day 197: The Starting Point as Moment of Creation.  Here I am looking at a statement that, as(at) quick glance, seems 'innocent' - yet when I look further in my writing, I see this specific statement, "But as I was doing my work this evening, I saw that I was doing a lot of reading, and it was getting late and while considering the different points I could write about - ultimately I decided I would not write a blog." The reason this statement stands out is because later in the this blog, I go on to reveal my 'real' starting point - so this statement here above is the justifications and excuses I was giving myself in attempt to 'make okay' and validate the 'real' starting point. So this is cool to see because that is what the Mind tends to do - give us points to consider that seem practical, yet what is lying behind this justifications, that make it sound 'so right'...

I don’t want to write , and the excuses coming up are, “I’ve been in school all day, I just want to relax” and “I have a head ache, I just want to lay down” and “I want to go to bed early to ensure I get up early tomorrow and break this habit I have been creating of staying up late and getting up late in the day” And so seeing these thoughts as persuasive, I almost gave in… yet I wont give up, and I will remove this until only I remain, the I that is here as breath that decided who I am and what I do, and no longer allowing my mind to direct me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to writing as the back chat of, “I’ve been in school all day, I just want to relax” within believing that I am actually too tired to take the time and support myself in writing myself out, to make sure I am clear and direct myself and not being a slave to the mind telling me what to do I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to tempt ...