193: Asking Permission as Submission
Yesterday I was supported to see this point within myself that has always been here, yet never seen very clearly. And that is the point - seeing clearly, and within that trusting myself to stand as that what I see - and even more within that, to stand self directive in what I see. What I have a tendency of doing is not trust myself, trusting another more than me and then asking permission if what I see/say/do is "ok". Within this, submitting myself to another, separating myself and actually limiting myself in saying "I cannot see this for myself, I do not trust myself enough, I am not good enough to see this, to direct this, to make a decision... will you do this for me?" And so within this, not pushing myself to stand up within myself, expecting others to do this for me. Which is actually manipulative as I am then accepting this within myself and changing myself in ways that another will feel they 'should' do this for me. Fortunately I have those ...