Kristina's Journey to Life

I am continuing here from the previous blogs -  271: Stuck in the Mind  and  272: Our Responsibility to Become Self-Aware . I am going to proceed with reviewing the initial blog in this series and open up some more points I wrote out about this particular moment I had in my car. The next point here would be where I write specifically, "While I was backing up, I realized I couldn't and didn't actually have the space, because someone was behind me. Then I looked to my left and saw a women who wanted to turn, but couldn't because I was in her way, motioning me to go ahead and make the turn. In this moment, I reacted and was like, "No - I can't do that - it's red" and I reacted to her not realizing the situation that I was 'stuck' where I was. But then I got frustrated because it was like I didn't want to sit there, in her way and waiting for the light - so I said 'fuck it' within myself and made the turn. In that I reacted thinkin...

My summer school semester is coming to an end with one week left. The follow week I am going on holiday and the other night I kept waking up with the experience of fear and thoughts of the trip and fearing things were not settled and I would go on the trip not being prepared or missing something that I should have done before I left. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my upcoming trip/holiday in feeling like I am not prepared I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my upcoming trip/holiday because I fear I will not be prepared or have everything that I need – I think I will miss something or forget something I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of fear when considering my upcoming trip yet within this not have a valid reason as to why I should be experiencing fear I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to quickly get to the day I will be going on my trip y...

There is a point here that is not a part of 'my plan'. Where I am moving into this point of taking responsibility for the blogs I have written and the memories and points identified that sustain my experiences created through/as the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions - yet tonight there is more I want to write about. Specifically - it's like I will plan out and map out something in my mind of how I would like and expect things to go. If I do not follow such a structure, then I go into reaction. Or if people in my environment do not move at the pace I expect or things in my world are not following the expectations I have imposed on it - then I go into reaction and it's like I cannot 'go with the flow' from the perspective of remaining constant and stable as who I am. This is done with/as the breath and I see I have not been breathing. When things are not moving or going in the direction I WANT them to go, as how I planned it - as really how I projected it wit...

This is a continuation from yesterday's blog, Day 175: The Implication of Needing Assurance. Before I go deeper and specific into the points that I opened within that particular blog, I want to address a statement I made in the same blog: "hmmm, I wonder where I got that idea?" -This was referring to how I saw within/throughout my life that I felt I 'needed' to wear make-up and so in this statement, I am asking where I would have accepted this belief, yet within this I can see some blame and within myself, as I was typing the words , I saw myself see my parents as an image as well as media and entertainment/celebrities within my mind. So I will take responsibility for this as I see/realize/understand that no one is to blame for what I, My-SELF, accept and allow within/as myself in this life . I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when typing the words, "hmmm, I wonder where I got that idea?", in regards to thinking and belie...

I have been possessed with fear of what is going on with another. They are spending a lot of time with another being – and they are not the most stable and so fear they are influencing this person to live the same. Then someone said to me that this person has drug problem – this I have not seen – yet allowed this to creep in and exist as fear within me I realize I have no control over another or what they do – and maybe I am somehow abdicating my self seeing within worrying about ANOTHER and what THEY are doing – instead of myself and what I am doing RED FLAG: Within walking the Agreement Course of the Desteni I Process - I have been supported within seeing that any time I write "maybe this is" or "perhaps I am" or "I might be", in how I have written it above, "maybe I am somehow abdicating myself..." - is always indicating, yes that is the Point - and to instead of "maybe walking around the point not going directly into it but walking...

While participating in one of my daily activities – I found I was giving a lot of attention to one being specifically – and within this I started having fears about what this person thought of me or how another person within their reality thought of me – as I feared they were reacting to me giving so much attention to this one being. And it wasn’t as such as giving attention – but simply happen to be, through the activity I was participating within that it seemed as if I was giving this person more attention. And do I realize this is a self definitions/persecution within myself. So within this – I had fear about how a being was reacting – assumed that they were reacting – and this is also based on self definitions of this person based on past memories and knowledge and information of ‘who this person was’ or what they participated within. Now I can direct this back to myself within seeing that if I were standing in this being’s shoes – this is how I would have reacted. That this othe...