Kristina's Journey to Life

I could not sleep the other night– and I kept having thoughts and memories coming up – it usually is not that hard for me to get to sleep – yet this night it was difficult. I kept thinking about another – more specifically, I kept WANTING to go into my thoughts and create images that made me feel good, of being with this person and talking to them, and creating some illusionary scenario that does not exist but made me feel oh so good. So – seeing this point of ‘wanting to be in my thoughts’ because I believe there I can create something I will enjoy - yet, what am I saying about my reality then? And it’s in separation, AND self interest, because it’s a reality for only me and what I want and does not take into consideration THIS WHOLE WORLD - the REAL world - this Physical Reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts within the self interest of feeling good I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into m...

This point is in relation to starting to see the extent of the iceberg that exists under the surface and the real me underneath, where I exist within desire for males as relationship and sex. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within separation of males as defining them within my mind as either ‘my type or not’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see males as only a means to have a relationship and sex I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the equality that exists as me with males – as we are equally here, human beings, breathing the same air, requiring food, water and shelter and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a special relationship within my mind based on energy wherein I define males as only a relationship partner I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I see a male, judge them based within my self created acceptance of ‘what m...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from males within my reality I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define males as only points of potential relationship then keep myself busy in my mind with projections of what ifs and play outs instead of being here equal with the other being I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define males within my mind as being separate form me that I have to win I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience fear within myself when around males I define as potential partners I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change who I am when a male walks into my reality I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself separate from males through defining them as a point in which I have to earn or impress or catch – so that I have this energy desire fulfillment of a relationship with another I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mys...