Kristina's Journey to Life

Continuing on with the fourth recording of the series about the point of Giving Up I've been listening to by the Atlantean's, it's all about the practical support and assistance we can give to ourselves to no longer simply play out or act out the pattern of giving up, and instead rather direct ourselves through it, and in that, actually expand ourselves as who we are in relation to that particular thing and see or rather LIVE the potential within us. For me the most supportive point was to realize how that giving up really is simply an emotional reaction, and so like any emotional reaction I face, the corrective application to support myself within such a moment of facing it is to stop and breathe, and in that, stand up within/as my physical body - where instead of completely allowing the mind as the emotional reaction to take over, to instead breathe within/as my body, ground myself in the moment HERE and so my physical environment and to stabilize any reactions ...

In yesterday's blog , I wrote about a memory that was an initial moment in my life where I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, based on the actions of my dance instructor - putting me in the back row and misinterpreting this as meaning I was not good enough to be in the front row. What I see more clearly since writing it out is how that has been a major experience throughout my life - always feeling I must and should 'stay in the background', in a way hide out and not make myself visible. The idea of 'stepping up' or 'stepping out' and drawing any kind of attention to myself would trigger self-judgments and this idea that I'm not good enough to be seen, or heard, and so rather stay 'in line' and 'in my place' of being in the back row. This has obvious consequences in my life such as suppressing myself in a moment where I could speak, or act, or share myself and instead I will remain silent and as less noticeable as possi...

The other day I made a decision based on a resistance. I had made a commitment to do something, but as the time approached for me to do this particular thing, I started to have back chats coming up, tempting me away from doing it and in this, attempting to justify why I was right to not do it. In this moment, I knew I was facing a resistance - a fear even - and I knew the solution or correction to apply in order to support myself. I knew that if I gave in to this resistance, I would later regret it. I saw the irrationality of my thoughts and the ideas coming up in my mind attempting to persuade me from doing that which I had already committed to doing. And so in that moment of seeing all these thoughts and ideas coming up into my mind, I wondered what I would do. I saw I could easily walk through the point - meaning - not give into the resistance and fears I was having; although they were coming up, I saw the energy attached to it that usually determine the experience within such th...

Today I had some fear of ‘no money’ coming up after paying two monthly bills. Mostly I can see this reaction was in relation to not having ‘extra room’ as ‘extra cash’ to lean on – fear of having to continue how I've existed as working enough to get by, to just cover my bills and within this a resistance to not wanting to work and not experience that point again of stressing about whether I’m going to make enough or not I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear after paying two monthly bills and to within this fear not having any extra savings or cash as a cushion for not having to stress about money I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don’t have any savings that means I have to stress and worry about money within an energetic experience instead of moving myself towards finding solutions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money to pay for luxuries su...

I’m becoming aware of this experience/reactions I have been having. It came up in what I wrote about yesterday about not trusting myself, what I see and standing by that without questioning myself or second guessing myself. I see this also in relation to communication I have been having a lot recently of with a family member. Where her feedback is that of gratitude and excitement as asking questions and wanting perspective about things, walking into her own process of self discovery and change – as she has seen the process I have been walking and in that the proof of the tools I apply from which I have been supported with from the Desteni group. But in this – I see myself ‘second guessing myself’ and questioning myself within our communication. Almost like saying, “I don’t know what I am talking about – I have no right to share these words with her – I have not lived this/these words/these applications absolutely” and it’s like a fear of saying things I should not be saying, or...