Kristina's Journey to Life

Over the holidays I had taken a break from writing, which isn't necessarily recommended, but still something I did. Now that the holidays are over, and moving back into my "normal" routine, I can see this point of questioning... why, when my routine changes, I think I must stop supporting myself? It's like I put everyone on hold... the pause button is pushed, and I am in a state of not moving until it's all over. I can see how in these moments of when our routine changes the most, when we are out of our comfort zones, that's when our self-support can assist greatly. As I was writing earlier this morning, it was like wading through a mucky, muddy pool of gunk that was hard to maneuver within. I see this as a consequences to stopping the flow of me as my expression. Writing, self-introspection, self-forgiveness... these are things that I must still practice because they are not yet completely and absolutely a part of my being. I am still in the process of ch...

I am continuing here from Day 175: The Implication of Needing Assurance and yesterday's blog, 177: Who Defines Me as Acceptable or Not? What I have been seeing is the self abuse I inflict on myself in seeing myself as inferior to another being - in how I go into self judgments and worry and doubting myself because of how I see/define another being as superior to me. So I want to just go into self forgiveness for the experience I had that opened these points up and see what else is here: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another being in seeing them as superior to me and within this define myself as inferior to them and through this acceptance of seeing/perceiving - allow myself to go into fear when communicating with this being - wherein I will judge myself as not good enough and not smart enough and not worthy enough and so within this go into fear of doing something 'wrong' in it not being what I am suppose to do ...

Balance. This point came up for me today in looking at ways in which I live. I have never been a 'balanced' person in terms of having an equal amount of attention giving to more then one point, I have generally been to the extreme to one thing or another. Like over excited or blinded by one thing. So balance, this balance point for me is looking at what I give my attention to throughout my day - my daily responsibility and all the current points in my life, like work and school and desteni work and general living. I can see where my mind gives most of my attention to - usually diverting my attention away from being here, what is necessary in the moment, moving myself through each point effectively, allowing myself to actually move. Instead I have this tendency to zoom in on one thing in my life and let the rest fall the pieces. So when looking at this point today, I see it's about balance. Balancing myself as far as giving an equal amount of myself to all that is curr...