Kristina's Journey to Life

Here a point of frustration and irritation when speaking to others who do not stick to 'the point' or go way off track of the purpose of our communication... realizing I need more practice in speaking directly before I can expect this from others or even support others to do this... I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in annoyance and irritation and impatience when others do not speak directly and to the point I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for not hearing my question or for not speaking more directly within themselves when I think they are going on about something that is irrelevant to the situation/point we are discussing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to roll my eyes when someone is not speaking directly about something we are discussing, but instead speaking about other irrelevant things that are more in relation to their mind chatter than actual reality I forgive myse...

Recently I saw a shift in myself in relation to another - my total experience changed from what I had previously experienced in relation to this being and within it - it was quite a shock. What happened was there was a point of stability within me in relation to a specific point in my relationship with another, where I was not reacting - I was clear from the perspective that every time this point would emerge within the relationship, I had no reactions; no thoughts about it, no back chats about it, no energy even about it. I was 'clear' in that I saw it for what it was and nothing more or less. Within this, I could give a clear perspective and support in relation to this specific point, because I was not being influenced or directed by any of my own mental objections or instructions. I could assess within myself my point of self honesty, where I was in relation to it, see I was 'clear', realizing it wasn't about 'me' and thus could offer support in ...

Here I am stopping and starting over and bringing myself back within the commitment and self agreement I once placed for myself yet gave up within the energies of hope and desire . The process of getting to know self, forgiving self and then actually, practically, physically changing self is not an easy process, yet it's one that I cannot deny nor ignore because I am always here with simply me. Everything that exists as me as thought , word and deed - is ME. There is nothing or no one outside of me to blame, to validate me, to confirm yay or nay to the ideas I hold about me, to give to me what I am looking for. I will never find an answer outside of the questions I ask myself. So I am starting over as the starting point from which I walk my Journey to life and my Process in general - getting back to the simple principles and tools that have brought me this far and I will trust within myself to apply and that will support me to continue walking this process of self honesty and...

Three years ago I was shown a way to stand that is an actual, physical 'standing up' and self directed positioning of self as being here. My shoulders are back and down, my chest is out and I stand, facing my world, walking with one foot in front of the other. When I was first shown this supportive physical stance - there were immediate reactions. It was one of, "I'm sticking my chest out - this is being snobby". Just in this one physical movement of myself, attached were all these mental ideas of 'how' I was standing and walking. And in this, felt like I 'should not' be standing/walking in such a way - almost as if I was inferior to this posture. I have since applied this standing of myself as my physical body . When I become aware that I'm slouching, I stop and I put my shoulders back and down, I stand up straight and I stick my chest out as no longer allowing myself to 'sink' into myself as a way to 'cave into' myself...

Here a point I faced as reacting and judging myself for 'acting out' the personality suits of the Mind I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the reactions and internal movements that exist within me as my mind and how I act them out and only once I have allowed myself to express myself as my mind , where I am not directive principle, but simply allow whatever to come up and out to do so – then react for ‘having a mind’ and all these various characters and personalities I go into and essentially 'act' out I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having a mind and internal mind movement as reactions and characters and personalities I present to others and then project this onto others thinking and believing ‘they’ are the ones judging me or fearing they are judging me instead of realizing that I have been judging myself and suppressing who I am as my mind to not have to take an activ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of a moment in allowing a moment to end and a new moment to begin – as a breath, breathing in and breathing out and letting go of what was here but is now gone and so embracing the new moment of what is here I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define some moments as better or more special than others, where depending on what I am doing in a specific moment or who I am with or where I am and how I respond so that moment, in terms of how I react to it as either being positive or negative and thus how I feel about it – not want to let it go – so here defining some moments I share with others as better than when I am alone and thus not wanting to go into the alone moment and instead hold onto the shared moment because within that I define it as positive and fear of it ending I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk each moment as embracing what is here ...

A point of reacting towards another and through the accumulation of continue to accept the reactions of another, creating resistance towards them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another based on their words and actions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make judgments about another based on their actions and words and within this project future play-outs of them stealing from me and to within this validate the thoughts as fears of them stealing from me within believing and accepting them to be true, accepting and validating the judgments I have towards them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility within judging another for ‘who they are’ and what I have observed within their actions and words, as a way to ‘blame’ them for the way that I experience myself in relation to them – within not trusting them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to p...

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to seek energy from conflict in my life with another I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by energy as experience of irritation and within this extert this onto others as a way to limit them within themselves to be equal in my experience I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated by others and attempt to have power and control over them through exterting my irritation onto them until they are and then feel satisfied with myself and thus reap the reward of energy in a positive surge within myself for the idea that i have gained power and control I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated by others in my reality based on thoughts of judgments about them and how they live I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in constant judgment of others in my reality within my mind as thoughts and back chat...

In class the other day - I had reactions to my classmates and our attempt at solving a problem, that existed within both polarities of inferiority and superiority. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as superior to others for my application of math I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as superior to others for my effectiveness in showing others how to do/apply math I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a ‘math tutor’ and get an energetic high within this as self value and a self definition and as a way to separate myself as being better then others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am separate from others when I participate within the definition of being superior to others for being a ‘math tutor’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others as inferior to me and that I'm so much better then others because I ‘get’ math and en...

Here I am walking myself through self forgiveness of the situation I laid out in writing yesterday, so read for context . I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ‘standing up’ for myself as myself when in positions of authority and responsibility I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear acting in ways that are best for all such as being responsible and accountable for positions of leadership, wherein I have been given authority to be a leader and set an example, and fall short within fearing how others will see me and fear them judging me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not good with being an authorative figure I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not good at standing up for myself within positions of responsibility and leadership I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as weak I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conne...