Kristina's Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility as self investigation and reflection through writing, self forgiveness and self honesty through projecting myself, my process and ‘my points’ unto others in making my attention and focus unto others and what ‘they’ are doing and what ‘they’ are facing and how 'they’ must change – instead of realizing it’s ALL ME that I see within and as 'them' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ignore myself as abdicating my self responsibility to sorting out myself and who I am as the conditioned nature of myself as self interest in attempting to not have to face myself or sort out what I accept and allow as myself in each moment through existing in thoughts and back chats about others and their process and what they are doing or not doing and to within this blame them for how they walk their process instead of realizing I am projecting all of myself ...

Continuing on with the Self Forgiveness process from the writing of Day 197: The Starting Point as Moment of Creation.  Here I am looking at a statement that, as(at) quick glance, seems 'innocent' - yet when I look further in my writing, I see this specific statement, "But as I was doing my work this evening, I saw that I was doing a lot of reading, and it was getting late and while considering the different points I could write about - ultimately I decided I would not write a blog." The reason this statement stands out is because later in the this blog, I go on to reveal my 'real' starting point - so this statement here above is the justifications and excuses I was giving myself in attempt to 'make okay' and validate the 'real' starting point. So this is cool to see because that is what the Mind tends to do - give us points to consider that seem practical, yet what is lying behind this justifications, that make it sound 'so right'...

This blog is continuing specifically from yesterdays blog , where I started the self forgiveness process in relation to the physical dimensions identified within a memory I started walking through lots of blogs ago - the original in the series you can see here . Adrenaline/shaking in my physical after running away from her - in seeing what I had just done, a lot of energy as the fear rushed through my body for actually doing something I thought I could never do - that I 'faced' her in that moment I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate energy within my body through the acceptance and allowance of myself within this moment of facing Cristina as 'dumping her' - through fearing of having to actually face her, for having to actually face the decision I was making and within the starting point from which I was moving as self interest - and so within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the physical experience...

What use is the knowledge of breathing if it is not utilized/lived/applied? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the knowledge of breath as self support is useless without application I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself with/as breathing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself in not using breath to support myself and instead give into my addictive tendency as seeking energy within/as my mind I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to prevent consequences of how I experience myself in wanting to run away and sleep away my experience because I did not support myself with breathing and instead allowed myself to go within my mind, in using physical energy as substance for the purposes of self interest and within that experience myself as physically sick and weak as I see what I was accepting and allowing and did not stop myself I fo...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others in my reality finding me online – finding my writings and seeing my participation within desteni and support of an equal money system – and judging me and seeing me differently then how the saw me before I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself into the ‘kristina in the physical reality’ and ‘kristina on the internet’ – as if it is 2 different people, instead of realizing the same application of who I am online is who I am in person, thus not to fear exposing to othes what I am exposing to myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being ‘different’ and assume others will judge me for my participation within blogs and vlogs and the various sharing sites – instead of realizing this is of the mind as ego in attempt to protect the self definition that secures is position within society as being ‘acceptable’ – I stop this desire to be accepted and re=commit m...