Kristina's Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, even within the realization of the nature of myself as self interest, in where I am constantly seeking and seraching to find ways to ‘fill myself’ with a reward for the being in which I display myself as, still exist as the starting point – in still allowing myself to move from/as self interest as who I am instead of stopping and breathing and moving myself from the awareness of what is best for all as I see /realize/understand that to move from/as self interest in not best for all – it is in fact greedy and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as greed as self interest in where I just want to get anything I can to reward myself as a form of validation for ‘who I am’ not realizing that the ‘who I am’ that I am trying to reward is my ego that has been constructed and programmed into me since birth, in where I was taught ‘how to be’ in order to survive in this world and in this world of compa...

"A man's goodness is truly measured by what he is, not what he does."- Deepak Chopra First off, Deepak Chopra - I would like to ask you... Does "who you are" define what you do? Let's play around a bit with this... A man rapes a child. Many say, "I'm surprised.. I would never think he would do that.. he seemed like a "good man" --Does this then justify the actions of rape? Is he then no longer held accountable for his actions - because some view him as a "good man"?? This statement by Deepak Chopra allows too much room for one to not take any self responsibility for their actions. It is saying, "Don't see how you live or what you do or do not do in this world - just look at "who you are" in this world as a way to define yourself. So the many ego maniacs that run this world are free to then justify hoarding all the wealth of the world from the majority, as actions they live everyday, and then claim, ...

"I LOVE Life" This is a what displayed on a shirt I use to wear, bright yellow, with the "love" being represented by a big red heart. That's how I wanted to exists, as "loving life", and everything was wonderful, and beautiful and 'all was well'. This is a delusion I wanted and chose to exist within and as - because the other shit of this world, I did not care to see, or acknowledge, and of course never take responsibility for. So it was easy to "Love Life" - as I had a job, and a home, and was secure in the fight for survival. But what did this "Loving Life" actually do - blind me from REALITY. I was too busy pretending this world was so grand and great, that I could not see the suffering... I could not see the pain, I could not see the millions asking for help. I could not see what was causing the problems.. I did not want to accept there was a problem, I accepted the mask that said, "I'm ok, Life is good...

So today I saw a very tricky pattern - a deceptive pattern of the Mind as a way to exist within resistance to change and avoiding myself in self honesty and self responsibility. This Pattern is "I don't have nothing to change" This reveals itself in thoughts such as, "I am stable today - I have been breathing - I am not possessed by anything" LOL - when the mere statement within secrecy of my Mind PROVES that there is Change/Correction required Here. Within this point as the Mind of experience - I didn't want to write today - I didn't want to share or expose anything - as if I want to present myself as Perfect. If I were perfect - this world would not be showing to me currently what it is. People in my reality would not be showing me what they do - I would not exist in thoughts within my Mind where only I exist and separate myself from this One Reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have nothing to change ...