Kristina's Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within my physical reality wherein physical points come up that I have either committed to or see are necessary to 'walk through' and complete and to within this react to having to address or walk through physical reality points in the moment, as they arise, that I did not expect or 'plan for' because of this idea I have created and accepted within my mind of 'what today will look like' in terms of what I would like to have gotten done I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my days within my mind of the tasks and responsibilities that are required to be done and to within this say "yes, this is what I will do today and this is how it will look and this is how i will feel if/when I do all these things" and so when physical reality reveals an alternate point that was not in the list within my mind of the things I 'wanted' to do, react in not wanting to ...

Taking direction of myself creating a structure system within my day so I no longer accept a polarity to run my life. Throughout my life I have experienced these points of wanting to achieve things. Getting things done. Have structure and completing tasks. Left without any direction, I wander and search and float and get nothing done. I then go into self judgments for not doing the things I want to get done. When I do do things I want to get done within my reality - it's always within a positive point of 'yay - I'm doing something good, I'm being productive' So it's almost like this forcing an idea I have to be doing this in order to experience myself as living a 'good life'. When reality - I am looking for satisfaction within myself and my reality. Looking to create, to add to, to learn something. Yet I have never considered giving this to myself - or Living is as myself. I have always waited for someone or something to tell me what to do. So wh...