Kristina's Journey to Life

Continuing from yesterday's blog, and self-forgiveness... the following is the corrections I can make to realize how to direct myself physically out of an experience, what it means to be productive, and to stop sitting on the fence about things. When and as I see myself giving into an experience of being tired and sluggish on Sundays after my shift at work, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is due to an idea I’ve allowed within myself of where it’s like now the end of my week, and I can just throw in the towel, and physically give into the experience of not wanting to do anything. I commit myself to change this idea within me that influence my experience as becoming sluggish and tired, and I commit myself to start deciding for myself, as a point of self-direction, how I will experience myself after work When and as I see myself not remaining consistent within my days, in how I physically move and apply myself, I stop and I breathe. I see, realiz...

Today I am feeling a bit sluggish. I worked this morning, as I do most Sunday mornings, and usually I start the day clear and ready to go. I usually enjoy my Sunday shifts because it’s early in the morning, I’m done by the afternoon, and I have the evening’s off which is great, because I usually work evenings. So I look forward to getting home, spending time with my partner, doing what I have to do to tie up the loose ends of the week, and getting ready for the new week to start. Though often, by the end of the shift, I feel sluggish, tired, and sometimes accompanied by a headache. No headache today, though the sluggish, tired experience was present. Normally I go home and will rest, watch something, and end up taking a nap before the evening. Today I decided to change it up – not take a nap, spend some time on some responsibilities online, and just decide something different. Well I didn’t nap, though that sluggish, tired experience only compounded. I was moving very slow through...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up within myself when I am feeling physically weak or tired I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately fall within myself when I am physically sick, weak or tired - to see that I have already created a consequence as being physically weak or tired but here seeing who I am within such a consequence/ experience - where I will just 'give into' the experience and use it to fall within myself - to say within myself "I AM" this physically weakness and tiredness and I give up - and want to just fall into and as it within victimizing myself, pitying myself, and thus actually relishing in the experience of "I am falling " because of physically how I feel instead of realizing that even within being physically sick or tired or weak, i can still breathe and not accept and allow myself to internally experience a point of ' giving up ' and 'falling' where I si...