Kristina's Journey to Life

Recently I saw a shift in myself in relation to another - my total experience changed from what I had previously experienced in relation to this being and within it - it was quite a shock. What happened was there was a point of stability within me in relation to a specific point in my relationship with another, where I was not reacting - I was clear from the perspective that every time this point would emerge within the relationship, I had no reactions; no thoughts about it, no back chats about it, no energy even about it. I was 'clear' in that I saw it for what it was and nothing more or less. Within this, I could give a clear perspective and support in relation to this specific point, because I was not being influenced or directed by any of my own mental objections or instructions. I could assess within myself my point of self honesty, where I was in relation to it, see I was 'clear', realizing it wasn't about 'me' and thus could offer support in ...

Today’s experience was pretty similar to yesterdays although I see there was a shift after writing out the points last night and the self forgiveness I went into. However, my experience was still the same in that it is not how I ‘usually’ experience myself, which is here, enjoying myself, having fun – I mean I would say that is my overall experience within process, stable and able to support myself and enjoying the process. Yet yesterday and today there was like this experience of something not sitting right, and I could not place it and I was feeling overwhelmed and discouraged in relation to where I am within my process. Going into a chat with another, it was like a slight resistance but also anxiety because I did not want to communicate, yet it’s also like I was sitting on a point, without knowing it, and so in general my experience is not how it usually is when going into chat. You could call it 'a mood.' Which is how I experienced myself - impending doom. I was not...