Kristina's Journey to Life

Today I would like to share about the inconsistency I can see within my sharing/blogging. I have, as some of you may have noticed a few months back, re-committed myself to more consistent blogging as a point of self-support, and support for others. I walked a 40 day + challenge for myself to show firstly, I could do it, and secondly, to establish myself withing the application as I see it has supported in the past, and to develop myself within my writing , my expression, creativity, and self-honesty, and my ability to 'live out loud' without hiding who I am, but rather embracing it, and sharing it as I know I am not the only one in this world that faces the things I do in my life. Though - after a couple months, the space between the blogs become more and more. So recently I decided to have a look at this again - asking myself, why do I stop? What I can see is two things. First thing is the energy within the starting point - wanting to do something, yet attaching it wit...

So continuing from the previous blog , there are two points requiring self-forgiveness. In this blog I will address the first point,  Limiting myself within a fear /resistance/avoidance to standing at the ‘higher traffic’ computer stations at work. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing at the high traffic computer stations at work within the idea that the more people I will deal with, the more potential for conflict exists I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear situations and experiences where I might make a mistake, or where there may be conflict with others, and to within this, allow a resistance to standing in such a position where I will more likely interact with more people I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stand at a computer station at work that was told to me to be the one with lesser traffic of guests, and to within this, want to stand here because within this, thinki...

Cyber-Bulling. The internet is just another medium in which we used to inflict abuse and harm onto each other. The stakes have been raised though, as the lack of accountability runs rampant and the anonymous become bolder to say and do things they could never in the face of their victims. How can you support yourself when being bullied online? What is important for you to know about the nature of bullying to help understand why it exists and how you can help change it by changing yourself. How can bullying give you insight to yourself and how can the Desteni I Process support you to do just that? These are just some of the things we will be discussing in this Desteni I Process LIVE Google Hangout.  My experience with online bullying consisted of a few YouTube comments here and there, that fortunately I never had the extreme experience of allowing it to influence me. I was already prepared through walking the Desteni I Process – the tools of bre...

I notice that people (including myself), tend to get caught up in the emotional reactions around a particular situation or event that happens in one’s life. Say for instance something unexpected happens to you and you find there is an immediate reaction of thinking ‘what is going on’, ‘why is this happening’. We generally then want to fall into the emotional reactions we have around this particular event, especially when it involves other people in which we've had a volatile relationship with. What I noticed within myself today when being around such a situation, where me and my family were faced and so dealing with a particular situation that required our direction and movement within the legal system to get information and find out options in which we have to get through a particular event – the tendency was to go into the recent past of how this situation developed and what caused it and what could have prevented it or going into future moments of how this could be change...

What I'm going to do here is support myself to write in the moment. A lot of times I come prepared with something to write about - with an idea or point specifically I want to write about, or more so a point I hold onto as to ensure I have 'something' to write about, as another way to get this over with, to make sure I have something so I'm not feeling like I have nothing to offer or.... it's like a long pause here and second guessing myself in this moment, wanting to stop and try something else. Always looking for the best way to place myself as these words, or how can I do something 'better' that will make me more comfortable within how I think I am presenting myself to others and how in turn others will respond/react to me and of course, always wanting the most desirable outcome I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prepare and present myself as these words in a way that makes me look the best and that will give me the...

Three years ago I was shown a way to stand that is an actual, physical 'standing up' and self directed positioning of self as being here. My shoulders are back and down, my chest is out and I stand, facing my world, walking with one foot in front of the other. When I was first shown this supportive physical stance - there were immediate reactions. It was one of, "I'm sticking my chest out - this is being snobby". Just in this one physical movement of myself, attached were all these mental ideas of 'how' I was standing and walking. And in this, felt like I 'should not' be standing/walking in such a way - almost as if I was inferior to this posture. I have since applied this standing of myself as my physical body . When I become aware that I'm slouching, I stop and I put my shoulders back and down, I stand up straight and I stick my chest out as no longer allowing myself to 'sink' into myself as a way to 'cave into' myself...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up within myself when I am feeling physically weak or tired I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately fall within myself when I am physically sick, weak or tired - to see that I have already created a consequence as being physically weak or tired but here seeing who I am within such a consequence/ experience - where I will just 'give into' the experience and use it to fall within myself - to say within myself "I AM" this physically weakness and tiredness and I give up - and want to just fall into and as it within victimizing myself, pitying myself, and thus actually relishing in the experience of "I am falling " because of physically how I feel instead of realizing that even within being physically sick or tired or weak, i can still breathe and not accept and allow myself to internally experience a point of ' giving up ' and 'falling' where I si...

This blog is continuing specifically from yesterdays blog , where I started the self forgiveness process in relation to the physical dimensions identified within a memory I started walking through lots of blogs ago - the original in the series you can see here . Adrenaline/shaking in my physical after running away from her - in seeing what I had just done, a lot of energy as the fear rushed through my body for actually doing something I thought I could never do - that I 'faced' her in that moment I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate energy within my body through the acceptance and allowance of myself within this moment of facing Cristina as 'dumping her' - through fearing of having to actually face her, for having to actually face the decision I was making and within the starting point from which I was moving as self interest - and so within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the physical experience...