Kristina's Journey to Life

I notice that for most things I do, I have a judgment and/or fear towards it. It could be something I do in self-honesty, or in a point of self-sabotage – the experience remain the same, I am fear of being judged for it. I’ve noticed this has always been my experience, for as long as I can remember. If I wanted to play with a particular toy, or wanted some special kind of food, anytime I would ‘help myself’ to what I wanted – I was in a point of fear… fear I would be caught, or what I was doing was bad, and I would be punished. This is still existent within me when I notice certain things I do only when I’m home alone… if others are around, I avoid doing it. Now of course the judgment towards the behavior changes in degree. Some thing I do, like say I’m in a point of wanting to distract myself with TV series or movies rather than other more important things, I will go into judgment and assume another is judging me as well as doing something ‘bad’. And I realize this is a point ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a doctor as an authority of myself, in thinking and believing the doctor is valid in their opinion of me getting a tetanus shot and to within this, fear saying no as fear of saying no to an authority figure I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reaction of the doctor when I say no to having a tetanus shot, fear of what she will think of me and that she will judge me for being foolish or stupid for saying no – like going against her ‘professional opinion’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and  allowed myself to project my own points of taking things personally onto the doctor, where I thought she would take it personally, as if I was turning down her professional opinion towards getting a tetanus shot, instead of realizing that I cannot know what she is thinking and it’s not at this moment my responsibility and thus what is my responsibility is where I take things person...