Kristina's Journey to Life

Day 17 The Challenge - Facing Self  and taking Responsibility for what you see. THis seeing is given by you or another. Yet the truth is before you. Accepting what you see as the truth of Yourself- this is the most difficult. Yet to take the response ability - is setting yourself free. It is taken the power. But wow - is it hard. What I have to face about myself = the truth of myself - I don't know how to communicate. I only know how to defend myself. My point - in fear of being 'wrong'. As a way to protect myself. My wall built high. It's not 'him' or 'they' or 'her'. IT'S ME. The agreement I am walking - is thus far the most challenging experience. Because it forces me to See myself for Real - as what I allow to exist within myself - who I am in my interactions with him - the games I play, the manipulations I maneuver - sounds like maneur - it's the shit I accept. A load a crap I carry - all to not face myself, as what ...

Day 16 Money as it exists - support abuse and inequality. And as the human fears it - it only validates money's power and control within this World. Yet what if the Human were to change this. Into something of Support. When the Human creates money as a Support for life - as it provides food, shelter, water, clothes. It provides Life to those that have it. Why not give this to All. Instead of allowing it to abuse, through our acceptance of a System that feeds the few and fucks the rest. This System of Money is Unacceptable. Our Relationship to Money is unacceptable. As I was applying Self Forgiveness for my Relationship to Money - I saw just how much power I gave it to run my life. And how much I allowed it to Direct me in my direct fear of it. Instead of seeing it as a means to support. Me. As Life. It isn't Money that is the Problem. It is the Human - that defines Money as such. Time to Redefine it very existence to that of Support for ALL Life. Sim...

Day 14 Thinking is separation - separation from what is Here as the phsycial Reality -where we are in fact and that which matters. As I was washing a french press that I have at my mom's place - it reminded me of when I was on the Desteni Farm - where I first used a french press. I was in my mind within this memory, the different experiences I had with the french press and how I broke at least 1, very possible 2 of them while I was there. And while I was thinking about this - within the Reality that is Here - that Reality I was separating myself from being within the memory, existing only for me, I broke the french press I was washing. Interesting - because as I was separating from the Physical Reality, existing in the Imaginary Reality - I ended up breaking/ruining what it is I was actually participating with. Just a small example and reminder for me of what it means to be within and As the Mind - it completely disregards what is Real - what is actually Here - and a...

Day 2 Here SO I got my internet back. Now we just need it at my place and we will be 'back on track'. Interesting point today while I was driving home from work - I was on the highway, just driving along. When I found myself not breathing - so I then began to take some deep breathes to bring myself back, out of the Mind. As I was busy breathing myself back to awareness of myself, I noticed I drove right back the exit I was suppose to take. I then had to take a much longer way home. This is interesting because this is how the Mind Works. It is a distraction we use to separate ourselves, there involves no awareness of what we are actually doing - we are just zombies moving automatically - not directive self will involved at all - and what happens, is we miss the point completely. We miss ourselves. We end up having to take a longer route back 'home'. Breathing brings is all back Here. Once I got home, I was walking inside and I realized the last few weeks I have n...