Kristina's Journey to Life

For today - the point of believing you are letting go of a relationship from the past, yet you actually aren't because you are still thinking and imagining things about them - as well as the dishonesty we dwell in when we say things in our minds to others that we would not say to their face. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back chat about others in my life, imagining what I would say to them in various situations, or based in certain contexts - but stemming from one interaction with them that I then attempt to gain the upper hand/position I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself by thinking I am letting go of a relationship /person in my life but then continue to hold on to them as back chat conversations in my mind about/towards them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by the mind, by myself, and others as abdicating one's responsibility and accountability for ...

Today I noticed some anxiety within me, and it was in relation to my permanent residency status in Canada. I've been waiting for a response for almost 8 months now, and while it could take up to two years, I did in a way expect to hear something by now. Though the anxiety I can see is not in relation to not hearing a response, but more on who I was when submitting the application, and actually practical in that it is showing me a point in which I was dishonest with myself, and the application when it was submitted. At the time I was filling it out, I was here on a year's holiday work visa. However by the time I sent the application in, my status had changed. I knew this part of my application should have been changed as well, yet I allowed laziness, and a hope to direct me to just send it anyway, and hope for the best. I can amend the residency application at any time, but for me the anxiety showed that it was something I was willy-nilly with... not absolutely accurate...