Kristina's Journey to Life

This is a continuation of a series I am currently walking: 181: The Birth of a Bully 182: The Birth of a Bully part 2 183: The Bully Character in All it's Dimensions: Memory #1 184: Bonding over Names and Shared Interests 185: What we Allow within Inferiority and Superiority 186: Seeing Equality Through Polarity & Dumping Life for Illusion Continuing with self forgiveness: Fear for having to tell Cristina I would no longer be her friend and thus desiring to 'get it over with' so that I could move on with my 'new' friends I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as fear as the decision I made to 'dump' Cristina, as to no longer being her friend in defining her and myself as inferior and thus wanting to be 'superior' as how I defined the two girls in my class and so even though I 'thought' I was making the 'right choice' - not wanting to actually face what I was actually doing and thus fea...

Relationships, as they currently exists - fueled by the Mind - are a trap that keep people stuck in a bubble of bliss without any awareness of reality. I know it's easy to 'fall' into this experience of joy where we think the whole world is now complete as 'we' have found something 'worth living for' - yet within this we do not have a clue - not an ounce - of what we are actually doing. While we are stuck in the love illusion - this world continues on without any consideration from humanity - no one sees the starving child, no one sees the raped women, no one cares about the homeless man, no one gives a shit about the brutality of this world - because we are all too busy being selfish in our desires for "love". Love does not exist - we prove it everyday by our inability to change a system that cause so much suffering. Relationships - especially the 'new ones' - are quite specific in keeping one busy in their minds about ' what if...

What use is the knowledge of breathing if it is not utilized/lived/applied? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the knowledge of breath as self support is useless without application I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself with/as breathing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself in not using breath to support myself and instead give into my addictive tendency as seeking energy within/as my mind I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to prevent consequences of how I experience myself in wanting to run away and sleep away my experience because I did not support myself with breathing and instead allowed myself to go within my mind, in using physical energy as substance for the purposes of self interest and within that experience myself as physically sick and weak as I see what I was accepting and allowing and did not stop myself I fo...

A point of expecting others to 'be' a certain way in order for me to fulfill my self interest I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within expectations in relation to another – where I expect others to be a certain way for me, for how I expect them to be so that I feel I am in control and getting what I want I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in expectations of others in expecting them to ‘give me’ what I want, so that I can have certain feelings and experiences that I have become dependent upon to ‘feel good’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self interest in interactions with others wherein I use others for my own desire /want wherein I want them to ‘be’ a certain way with me so that I in turn can feed of the energy of ‘how I feel’ in how they are with me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others for my own benefit, wherein I do not conside...

This blog is in relation to a point I see within myself, wherein I will 'need' something, such as a motivation, to move myself. Specifically it's when I am faced with a resistance to do something, and I have, in that moment a choice to make - either walk through the wall I have created, or give in, accept it and just give up on the task at hand, in the moment. I can see where, one of the "reasons" or motivations I use to "push through the resistance" is a reward for completing a task, such as "feeling good about myself for getting this thing done". I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive energetic experience within myself of "feeling good about myself" when I am faced with a resistance to doing/completing something, as a reason/purpose for me to get this thing done - instead of it being a decision within and as myself as self honesty of what is required to be done in the moment I forgive myse...