Kristina's Journey to Life

I am continuing here from Day 175: The Implication of Needing Assurance and yesterday's blog, 177: Who Defines Me as Acceptable or Not? What I have been seeing is the self abuse I inflict on myself in seeing myself as inferior to another being - in how I go into self judgments and worry and doubting myself because of how I see/define another being as superior to me. So I want to just go into self forgiveness for the experience I had that opened these points up and see what else is here: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another being in seeing them as superior to me and within this define myself as inferior to them and through this acceptance of seeing/perceiving - allow myself to go into fear when communicating with this being - wherein I will judge myself as not good enough and not smart enough and not worthy enough and so within this go into fear of doing something 'wrong' in it not being what I am suppose to do ...

Writing from a few days ago - walking through points of the Mind with writing, self forgiveness and self correction application: I had a dance class earlier tonight. I noticed that initially when I started taking the classes – I thought it would be easy and I would be ‘good’ at it.(thought based on past memories/experiences) Then I struggled through the first classes and I felt like I wasn’t good(thought/self judgment). And I felt bad about myself about this(emotion) – and then tonight – I felt better because I could perform the moves better and I saw how the programming from a child dancer came back and then all of a sudden I got this sense of like ‘I’m good’(thought/feeling). I see how I am constantly comparing myself to other dancers. Like there was this girl that I would define as overweight or heavy – and she was very good and I had thoughts about how that was surprising that she was good (thought). Or there was this other girl – and you could tell by her form that she was train...