Kristina's Journey to Life

What would happen if each human being stood equal to and one with the Sun?  What does the sun represent? What does the sun express?  Grateful to a friend who pointed out the most important Star in relation to the Earth - Our Sun. Without it, Life on Earth would not be.  With it, life was possible.  It shines on everything equally. Imagine if all were to express as the Sun... what kind of world would we have?  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my expression as the sun that shines brightly and gives life equally to all I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as the sun as if to do so would be arrogant, egotistical or unnecessary instead of seeing, realizing, understanding, and embodying/living the knowledge that it is the one point that is required to once and for all give to all equally I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand inferior to the expression of th...

Continuing from yesterday's blog - today I will dive into self-forgiveness for how I've come to define the word Star in separation of a living expression of/as who I am.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the living word STAR I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define the word star as separate from here as my living, breathing body/being I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word star to be this big thing that exists outside/separate from me here and think and believe it is something I must attain to be I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the word star is defined as something that only some people are, that only some people are lucky enough to live I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word star within a polarity charge of positive energy and to thus seek out this positive energy as the wo...

Free. What does it mean to be free? How do you define 'free'? What if you found out how you defined the word free actually enslaved you to an experience that is lesser than your full potential? In some previous writings, it was revealed that I equate being thin with being free and through this I realized free is a word that I can redefine and actually LIVE for myself through my actions and so no longer limit its definition to be only of a picture in my mind of what free is, which at the moment is a specific body type as being thin. If you are new to the idea of redefining and living words, there is a facebook page dedicated to sharing one's process with redefining words, as well as many videos on youtube explaining the process as well. You can check that out here and here . Essentially I came to know about redefining and living words many years ago and was walking a process with it for quite some time, taking on many words that I wanted to live and express mysel...

Here a point I faced as reacting and judging myself for 'acting out' the personality suits of the Mind I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the reactions and internal movements that exist within me as my mind and how I act them out and only once I have allowed myself to express myself as my mind , where I am not directive principle, but simply allow whatever to come up and out to do so – then react for ‘having a mind’ and all these various characters and personalities I go into and essentially 'act' out I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having a mind and internal mind movement as reactions and characters and personalities I present to others and then project this onto others thinking and believing ‘they’ are the ones judging me or fearing they are judging me instead of realizing that I have been judging myself and suppressing who I am as my mind to not have to take an activ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to apply self forgiveness here and so instead just want to write, yet within this writing without applying self forgiveness - I find the physical goes into a discomfort wherein the words are not 'here' as me, the expression becomes forced and I see this clearly indicate an image/presentation I am trying to display as a way to deliberately avoid myself, as the reality of myself that is here and instead pretend 'all is well' in not actually taking a look at what is going on and what I am attempting to hide from myself I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to hide from myself when I come here to blog in not wanting to apply self forgiveness and instead just want to write and within this defining my writing as better then self forgiveness, as I have allowed many times the ego to come out to play, sort to speak, within my writing as a way to display myself as something ot...

I am continuing here from Day 175: The Implication of Needing Assurance and yesterday's blog, 177: Who Defines Me as Acceptable or Not? What I have been seeing is the self abuse I inflict on myself in seeing myself as inferior to another being - in how I go into self judgments and worry and doubting myself because of how I see/define another being as superior to me. So I want to just go into self forgiveness for the experience I had that opened these points up and see what else is here: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another being in seeing them as superior to me and within this define myself as inferior to them and through this acceptance of seeing/perceiving - allow myself to go into fear when communicating with this being - wherein I will judge myself as not good enough and not smart enough and not worthy enough and so within this go into fear of doing something 'wrong' in it not being what I am suppose to do ...

Continuing from the point I brought up yesterday in terms of 'how to' face addictions , today I woke up with clear direction in how to support myself, but I was aware of the fact that addictions are a habitual movement within ourselves as in our minds or physical action taken, so it's this point of always doing it, thinking it, 'going there' so to speak, to the point where it like becomes ingrained in the very flesh of ourselves as "who we are", as the nature of ourselves - but really it's just a play out of an acceptance, of a way of living, a daily choice we make, even a moment by moment choice we make, where we decide to do something or not. Obviously what lies behind the 'choice' is the most valid point to consider because this is what drives us to ultimately go into an addiction or not. So when we have created ourselves to be addicted to something, it's because we, every time faced with a choice or decision, we "go there"...

AHHHH - I don't know what to write. Which is crap. I was like - should I write a debunking blog? Should I write a self forgiveness blog? Should I write a 'poetry' blog. No - it's like, fuck I don't want to write. And so here I am - writing. Why? Because I told myself that I would - starting living the words I speak. Stop giving myself reasons to 'fall' and to face it another day. What I realize - is that if I tell myself something - say I make a commitment - and I am unwilling to walk through that commitment - what does that say about me? Who am I for real then? Someone who speaks empty words and gives false hope and ultimately is untrustworthy. Well I definitely do not accept this of myself. I create this idea that i believe I have to portray - 'live up to' - keep going as an image. Of how i 'see' myself and define myself - yet is always within separation of myself and hence.. the friction. Friction as resistance I create. And s...

So looking back at this last year - and 'who I am' within what I have done in relation to participating within sharing myself and common sense perspectives for this world - I see inconsistency. So from here - I want to address the point of deception as the act of not living the words we speak - not being the living word - but instead saying one thing and doing another. Which I have realized leads to the absence of self trust - as self will tell self one thing - but then does not live this or apply this. For instance - I have made a commitment to myself in the past to do 21 days of self writing - blogging. I have also made this commitment within vlogging and failed to push through the mental walls I was holding up in front of myself - and always ended up NOT doing what I said I would do. Obviously this would lead to conflict within oneself - as I cannot trust myself. Because I tell myself one thing and then don't do it. This is an act of self abuse and the unwillingness ...

Writing Yourself TO Freedom What is This? What does it imply and how does it work? Writing yourself to freedom is as simply as it sounds. Writing out oneself to self - looking as who oneself is in fact, as thoughts feelings and emotions. It's having a conversation with oneself - but a self directive conversation exposing to oneself what is allowed within the inner and outer reality of self. It's a tool used within those Walking with Desteni - to investigate who one is in this Reality. What thoughts self participates within - what ideas and beliefs self hold. Who Self is in relation to everything else that is Here. Through writing it out - we are able then to see Who we are. To get to freedom - This takes Self Honesty. Self Honesty is to be able to honestly look at what thoughts we carry - what judgments we hold - what perceptions we believe in and give power to. For me - It has supported me in 'letting go' of the shit that mulls around in my head. Thoughts tha...

Day 21 - and as I say, "It's my day 21 - I can't believe I made it" - just goes to show how much I never really trusted myself or pushed myself to do what I say I will do - or believe in myself enough to know I can - I am able - and I can will myself. The Mind - as it exists - only judges. Observes and places it's opinion. Always has a 'back chat' - I thought or idea or picture or association for anything and all things within it's Reality. As I saw myself today, in constant judgment of myself and others. I breathe yes, to stop myself, yet, why are they even here? Why have I created this of myself? Because I have believed this voice in my head to be real - to be who I am - then am I not responsible for what those thoughts are specifically - what they consist of and how they are directed. This is Standing Equal and One as the Mind. Taking Responsibility for what exists within me - because here is where Self takes back the Power to actually change Se...

Day 17 The Challenge - Facing Self  and taking Responsibility for what you see. THis seeing is given by you or another. Yet the truth is before you. Accepting what you see as the truth of Yourself- this is the most difficult. Yet to take the response ability - is setting yourself free. It is taken the power. But wow - is it hard. What I have to face about myself = the truth of myself - I don't know how to communicate. I only know how to defend myself. My point - in fear of being 'wrong'. As a way to protect myself. My wall built high. It's not 'him' or 'they' or 'her'. IT'S ME. The agreement I am walking - is thus far the most challenging experience. Because it forces me to See myself for Real - as what I allow to exist within myself - who I am in my interactions with him - the games I play, the manipulations I maneuver - sounds like maneur - it's the shit I accept. A load a crap I carry - all to not face myself, as what ...