Kristina's Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as either ‘good or bad’ as ‘positive or negative’ within my days according to what I do or don’t do I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define doing things during the day within a positive polarity charge and to within this, define myself as good and get a positive feeling within this and yet define not doing things during my day within a negative polarity charge and thus when I live out this definition, experience negative emotions about myself and define myself according to this and so exist within a polarity relationship towards myself and my actions during a day I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am being good and a good person when I am productive in my day and thus feel good about myself and define myself as bad and being a bad person when I am not productive in my day and thus allow myself to be a slave to these definitions and exist wit...

Tonight's blog is a point I wanted to clear up in relation to the Desteni I Process Google Hangout I participated in last Thursday, where me and some other destonians discussed 'Stopping a Weed Addiction' and the various points within that. Obviously one could go on about this addiction and it's behaviors and consequences for much longer than a half an hour, yet what was mentioned in the hangout is a cool support point for anyone looking for solutions in stopping their addiction to weed or to anything for that matter because the reality is that weed is not necessarily addictive , it's the nature of the relationship one created to/towards a particular point that one 'uses'. So in this case of the Google Hangout, and in my case, I did create an addictive relationship/ dependency towards weed. So check it out if you find yourself in a similar situation and ready to take back your life and give new direction to where you are heading. The point specificall...

Why do we do what we do? For ourselves or for others? For a reward? For attention? For positive feelings? What is the starting point? Can you share it with others? Is there shame? Do you hide in your secret Mind? Do you fear being exposed for what is hidden within you? Is it possible to Live out Loud? Some self forgiveness here in seeing more of the extent to the Ego I've created as myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow 'wants' to determine what I do or don't do within my day to day living I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the back chat of 'I don't want to write a blog tonight' as the nature of self judgment in thinking I cannot articulate anything and I am not clear enough about any particular point - there is nothing 'good enough' to write about and so within this - using excuses as to not be consistent in my application I forgive myself that I have accepted and al...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of 'I just don't want to do it' in relation to blogging and self supportive writing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up in self supportive writing and blogging the moment I have a resistance towards it and my back chat tells me so - trusting in the experience instead of realizing the moment as the opportunity I have here to actually push through at the moment where I want to give up the most, realizing this is the point of change, as becoming self directive and no longer taking direction from the mind as back chats that I allow to produce an energetic experience I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself all sorts of excuses and justifications as to why I do not 'have to' place a blog tonight - instead of seeing within self honesty that I am avoiding the point of facing myself, of changing myself, of actual...

Today I had some fear of ‘no money’ coming up after paying two monthly bills. Mostly I can see this reaction was in relation to not having ‘extra room’ as ‘extra cash’ to lean on – fear of having to continue how I've existed as working enough to get by, to just cover my bills and within this a resistance to not wanting to work and not experience that point again of stressing about whether I’m going to make enough or not I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear after paying two monthly bills and to within this fear not having any extra savings or cash as a cushion for not having to stress about money I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don’t have any savings that means I have to stress and worry about money within an energetic experience instead of moving myself towards finding solutions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money to pay for luxuries su...

Today I saw resistance towards studying. Because I have had this resistance experience towards studying before, today there was some stuff 'piled up' to get done and in that, more resistance as in thinking "this is too much now". This is just the consequence of what one allow when things get put off 'for later' in accepting and allowing resistance in the first place. So prevention was possible and obviously the best cure. This is also a point I have been facing/working with - yet without an effective solution I am walking that I am satisfied with. Yet - still working with it and so tonight's blog - in relation to the resistance towards studying and the ways in which I 'walk around it', justifying me putting it off. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to studying through and as defining school work as difficult or challenging or me as not being 'good enough' or 'good at it' and to wi...

Here I am continuing from the previous post , going into self forgiveness in relation to the points I shared about some experiences I have been having this week since stopping my addiction, which has been a point of 'missing' and a sense of 'loss' as how one could relate to 'losing' a relationship and within that the experience of hope that one day I will be 'reunited' or be able to participate in the addiction again. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship within myself towards a point (my addiction) outside and separate from me here to such an extent that when I remove/stop this relationship I go into an emotional experience of missing and a sense of loss - where I relate it to ending a relationship that I can no longer participate with and thus within this miss it I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency towards something (my addiction) outside and separate f...

I am well into Day 8 of stopping an addiction I once saw as so much greater than me. But man what a cool week I have walked, in stopping and standing up and seeing just how much of a distraction I was allowing within myself as my own addiction. So cool to stop and get back to reality and to the matters at hand. There is an experience in relation to this stopping the addiction that I want to address - it's like the 'urge' to go into my addiction has become quite less and less, where I experienced it initially as a physical urge, then I saw how it was a mental desire in the form of thoughts and back chats attempting to justify the decision to go back into the addiction. I did not FALL for it. So the decision still remain and I am still clear in what I must do/walk in order to get myself through this point of no longer being influenced by any point outside/ separate from me here through my own participation and creation. The experience I am seeing now within th...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to suppress the points coming up within me through NOT writing them out or applying self forgiveness for them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define looking at and addressing the points coming up within as the nature of thoughts, back chats, emotions and feelings as 'too much' and within this resist supporting myself within them as facing them instead of suppressing them - which would be to either write them out/self forgive them or just ignore them, pretend they are not here, push them down down deep and go alone with my day in doing something else I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as 'overwhelmed' within all the points coming up within myself as my mind - where I have basically removed my suppressor pacifier and now all the shit I have been hiding from and ignoring is coming to the surface and within this want to resist and sup...

So here we are Day 3 of the 21 days of Breathing - and today was cool in regards to bringing myself back more to myself here, as the breath. I was able to breathe through some points of resistance where I wanted to lay down mid-day and take a little nap. This is a relationship I have created that I am in conflict with, where I see myself go into my mind and tell myself "I want to lay down" and experience myself as tired, yet when I do this, I always see my dishonesty as I could have breathed through it yet never really supported myself to do so. And then later I see all the points I allowed myself to postpone or put off because of this desire to sleep, and this only compounds self judgments and guilt for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up within the experience I was accepting and allowing through my participation in the mind, not to mention the physical reality practical points that I accumulate in not 'keeping up' or 'staying with' certai...