Kristina's Journey to Life

May 18, 2020 You have to watch my vlog to have more context for the following self-forgiveness.  Essentially - who I am in my garden is who I am in myself and my own mind. There are lots of weeds that need to be removed - lots of destructive, judgments, spiteful thoughts that do not exist in what is best for all or in the best interest of me. Those must be removed and Forgiveness is the tool. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to dig deep to get the roots of the weeds I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to put in the work and labor to dig deep in pulling out roots of the weeds in my garden I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get to the fastest desired result of no weeds in the garden by putting woodchips over them to suppress the weeds I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that suppressing is changing instead of realizing suppressing is on...

Today I started a veggie garden. I have been wanting to do this for over a year now - and so throughout the winter I was researching various sites and videos to gain perspective on how to actually do this. Simple enough. So today was the day I 'got it done'. I now have a small garden box in my back yard with carrot seeds, and green beans, and tomatoes, and bell peppers, and scallions. Something small just to start me out. We do not have the ideal back yard space for a garden - so I built a garden box. I found some random slabs of wood in the garage and threw myself together a garden box. Within myself - I felt proud. Proud of myself for getting this done. For being inventive in improving with materials and actually constructing a garden box. Then - family members came home and I wanted their praise as well - wanted them to be impress with me. Seeking of attention? Desire for being seen as doing something worthy? Who was I doing this for in the first place? Me - I did it...