Kristina's Journey to Life

An interesting point today at work - where I saw myself react as 'taking personally' a guest's words and tonality - where he 'seemed' to be reacting to my timing and requested something from me and said "I would like this quickly" I reacted negatively as taking this personally - like he was personally attacking me and within myself, felt bad, felt defensive and wanted to go straight into blaming him - like internally I wanted to go to war with him What is interesting is that I have been working in this same environment for quite some time and have worked with this point before in terms of facing all sorts of people and their reactions and requests and emotional outbursts and so I have, in the past, not allowed myself to take anything personally or react, to not let it 'get to me' or simply to let the point go in realizing 'they' are not reacting towards me 'specifically', that it's not really about me and so I realize th...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as either ‘good or bad’ as ‘positive or negative’ within my days according to what I do or don’t do I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define doing things during the day within a positive polarity charge and to within this, define myself as good and get a positive feeling within this and yet define not doing things during my day within a negative polarity charge and thus when I live out this definition, experience negative emotions about myself and define myself according to this and so exist within a polarity relationship towards myself and my actions during a day I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am being good and a good person when I am productive in my day and thus feel good about myself and define myself as bad and being a bad person when I am not productive in my day and thus allow myself to be a slave to these definitions and exist wit...

Today I was all over the place emotionally. The day started with waking and seeing again a moment of choice/decision and within that, fallen. Hitting the snooze button and almost reveling in that. Like satisfied with my desire to sleep in longer and allowing myself to do so. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue accepting and allowing desire in the morning to direct and influence me to hit the snooze button, instead of breathing and embracing my day as physically moving to get myself out of the day and stand within myself, as directive principle, as a support foundation of how I will enter and walk within my day When and as I see myself waking in the morning, hearing my alarm and seeing the moment of choice as to either follow a desire as to go back to sleep/stay in bed or to breathe and move myself to get up and support myself within this first moment of a waking decision of who I can be within/as my day, I stop and I breathe through the resi...

The other day I made a decision based on a resistance. I had made a commitment to do something, but as the time approached for me to do this particular thing, I started to have back chats coming up, tempting me away from doing it and in this, attempting to justify why I was right to not do it. In this moment, I knew I was facing a resistance - a fear even - and I knew the solution or correction to apply in order to support myself. I knew that if I gave in to this resistance, I would later regret it. I saw the irrationality of my thoughts and the ideas coming up in my mind attempting to persuade me from doing that which I had already committed to doing. And so in that moment of seeing all these thoughts and ideas coming up into my mind, I wondered what I would do. I saw I could easily walk through the point - meaning - not give into the resistance and fears I was having; although they were coming up, I saw the energy attached to it that usually determine the experience within such th...

Here I'm going to have a look at a positive and negative experience I had. Yesterday's blog I was writing about how 'cool' it was that I saw myself able to breathe through moments of resistance and I basically was hyping myself up on 'being able to change' and within this, I can only now see that I was defining myself within a positive charge, because I defined the experience of breathing through those moments as positive - I was being positive, I felt good for doing that. Today however, lol - what the polarity experience. And this set of warning signs. So what I am seeing is that I so unconditionally accept the 'positive' experiences I have, such as defining 'breathing through resistance' as positive, and do not question this, simply accept this positive feeling /experience because hey - it feels good. However, today when I went into a negative experience of like literally falling and I was trying to grab a hold of the ledge before I fe...

Continuing from the previous posts: Day 132 - Fear put my in my place Day 133 - Humbled by seeing and shamed by my blame - bringing the fear back to myself. Day 134 - The Anger I fear in Another is the Anger within Myself Day 135 - Seeing the Reflection of Myself Day 136 - Deceptive Denial of the Change Required Day 137 - Learning How to Love My-Self before I can Love my Neighbor Self Forgiveness and corrective statements for the following points: -Reacting to being called a bitch, a physical reaction of my heart racing and my hands shaking -Taking personally being called a name I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of reading another's words towards me as BITCH, react automatically as the physical manifestation of fear - heart racing and hands shaking I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself in such a way wherein I have no directive principle over/as me as my physical body - have completely sepa...