Kristina's Journey to Life

March 28, 2021 (3 days before my son was born). I am over a week into my maternity leave and the little routine I had set up for myself at the start of this was disruptive midweek when we had our appointment with our midwife. We found out due to my gestational diabetes and being insulin-dependent that there was a chance I would need to be induced early and starting tomorrow when I'm 37 weeks pregnant and full-term, I could try some home remedies to induce myself.  This was definitely unexpected and caused quite the stir within me as I had convinced myself of how the last 4 weeks of this pregnancy were going to go. I would have 4 weeks off to finish the final things on my checklist to prepare for his arrival - last-minute nitty-gritty cleaning of the house and just ensuring overall we had everything we needed for him. Because I had 4 weeks still I was taking my time at the start of this maternity leave and so when I got the news that we could trigger labor by next week... there was

  January 25, 2021 After my last blog, a day of going into the extreme opposite of what I thought I was doing wrong (I was eating too much sugar so I cut out all sugar/carbs) and discussing my experience with my partner and a friend I realized it doesn't serve me to go into the opposite extreme either. The reality is my diet is overall balanced but there are a few minor adjustments I could make to ensure I am not overindulging in things that are not necessarily on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis.  So - did I react to my gestational diabetes test results? Yes! Did it show me aspects of myself I was being dishonest about? Yes! Am I a horrible mom and have already fucked up my child? Of course not.  It was a hard experience - well I was being hard on myself. I felt like quite a failure, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. But in reality - I made some mistakes, I can forgive myself for it, take responsibility for it, and LEARN from what has been done. I don't need to punish myse

January 21, 2021 Today I got a call from my midwife with the results of my gestational diabetes test results. The result was high so I have to take a 2nd test. If that test comes back high I will have to see a dietician to attempt to get my blood sugar under control. If that doesn't work I may have to take insulin.  This was not good news for me though I anticipated these results while simultaneously wanting to deny them. My sugar tooth has been getting the best of me, my family had a history of diabetes and something within me wanted to take that test.  Now I consider the reason I wanted to take that test was to attempt to slow myself down from the sugar I was consuming. I wouldn't say my diet was so out of whack lately but for me, I was consuming much more sugar than I normally do/would.  But the only thing I ever did to attempt to balance it was ensuring I had a green smoothie as often as possible or a salad as much as I could. In reality, I was justifying my actions within