Kristina's Journey to Life

I’m becoming aware of this experience/reactions I have been having. It came up in what I wrote about yesterday about not trusting myself, what I see and standing by that without questioning myself or second guessing myself. I see this also in relation to communication I have been having a lot recently of with a family member. Where her feedback is that of gratitude and excitement as asking questions and wanting perspective about things, walking into her own process of self discovery and change – as she has seen the process I have been walking and in that the proof of the tools I apply from which I have been supported with from the Desteni group. But in this – I see myself ‘second guessing myself’ and questioning myself within our communication. Almost like saying, “I don’t know what I am talking about – I have no right to share these words with her – I have not lived this/these words/these applications absolutely” and it’s like a fear of saying things I should not be saying, or...

So I can see throughout this fulfillment point and how I created a polarity within my life around it - the ultimate point of fulfillment I was looking for and defined a truly life fulfilled was in relationship with another - finding 'the one' as apparently one out of 7 billion people was here specifically for me and once I 'found them' my life would magically fall into place and I would be full and satisfied and start living life. So quite a fuck up as I wasted my life in waiting for this being that never came. Even when I thought they came, and I filled my life with only the relationship, as the only thing I cared about, things did not fall into place, I was not happy and satisfied, I was always in fear, conflict, insecurities. I had placed all of myself into this other being - in a relationship - to determine my life being fulfilled, I become dependent on the relationship and the highs and lows as a way to keep busy with 'what was happening' between u...