Kristina's Journey to Life

Art By:  Javier Ideami I experienced a surge of energy as the emotions of loneliness when ending the chat with another. In that moment I felt lonely – alone and there was slight fear. I watched the ' design of loneliness’ portal interview as a way to support myself in seeing what is actually going on. It is an idea within my mind that I have created and reacting to as being lonely The experience is that of not wanting to be alone. Not wanting to be alone with myself. Feeling lonely. I can say that I have always had this experience throughout my life – the experience of being alone /lonely. But I never really faced it, and can see how I created ways in which to always have people around me. And in the interview it also said that the Mind feeds off of relationships with others, a partnership to hide from this loneliness, or to sustain even this loneliness because in our not facing/standing as it – the loneliness that I in fact am, I am suppressing it – yet still allowin...

This morning (Sunday, August 11th, 2013) I had a chat with a Destonian living on the Desteni farm. Our conversation was coming to an end and she shared news with me I thought I would never hear. "Bernard has passed away... his heart stopped." That moment of timelessness carried on forever, as if I was stuck in that moment, anticipating a reaction that would never come. I couldn't believe it... it's couldn't be possible. What words could I possibly express with this expressionless experience I had? I had to go to work. I thanked her for chatting with me and continued on getting myself ready to leave for work. What else could I do? I am still here and my responsibilities remain. As I was gathering my things to leave my house... slowly but surely... the reality as the realization set it... Bernard was gone. I stopped and I cried. I let myself sob like a baby as I realized a Living Example unlike anything else in this world has left. This Man - t...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a commitment to myself and then not walk the correction within realizing this is dishonesty and how I abuse myself in such a way I do not trust myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘I cannot trust myself’ as a way to judge myself and keep myself from standing within the correction I have committed myself to live I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for when I have fallen within points I could have corrected through the commitments I have made to myself – yet did not and then go and judge myself for it creating then a resistance to walking through the correction – this time for self I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use resistances as an excuse to give up on myself within commitments I Have made to myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design myself in such a way where I resist actually living in ways that support me to c...