Kristina's Journey to Life

In previous relationships I experienced jealousy a lot - where it was quite an overwhelming, possessing type of experience. That is where I had most of my experiences with jealousy - in intimate relationships. Recently however I noticed it come up in relation to a friendship. This friend has been someone who in a way I was in a position of supporting - where she would come to me for advice, or perspective, or opinion. I felt special in this way, like a guide, or like someone she trusted enough. Then enters a new person, who I see my friend spending more time with, and asking her perspective on things, and going to her for things she once came to me for. And so I was jealous. I felt as if I was no longer that 'special person' that she would come to, and in a way - that also validated an aspect of myself - of being helpful, and needed. I felt I was being replaced, and discarded. Now I did not indulge in this too much, as I could see clearly this was jealousy, and that it i

The other day I had a dream about someone from my past. In the dream, I eagerly went to them to say hello, and see how they have been. I attempted to relate to them by telling them about myself... but what I got from them was nothing. No interest at all - and the way I 'picked up' on the situation it was as if she was not impressed by me. Recently I decided to take more seriously my dreams and my relationships throughout life as a point of self-expansion in getting to know ME... and here is a great example of the very gift of dreams, and relationships. Instead of seeing this girl as someone else within the dream, I instead stand as her. And what I was seeing within her was this point of not being impressed by me... disinterested, and almost like I was wasting her time. So now I have a look... have I done this to others before? Does this point exist within me? I can in fact see it does... many times I've come to judge people oh so fast, and within me the experience