Kristina's Journey to Life

When I look back at my life I had a handful of very close relationships with women. These are the tight bonds, the inseparable months or years, looking towards only each other to make each other laugh... and they ended in complete destruction. When I look at the people in my life that I have the most conflict towards today, it's also women. While I feel the safest with women, I also see the most conflict in relation to women.... and since women need to stand up within themselves, and this world, to take lead on showing the way of creating a world that nurtures and cares for what 's best for all, I got some work to do... I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into conflict with other women I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into comparisons with other women I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into jealousy in relation to other women I forgive mys...

The following is the corrective statements from yesterday's blog, A Cool Point .  When and as I see myself defining myself as weak, lost, and sad, and to within this, experience a negative energy , in relation to not having a specific purpose/point in my life at the moment, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is a definition in which I’ve given to these words, and how I define this point in my life of not having such a specific point, and that it can be changed in how I define the words and so I commit myself to purify the words within/as me and the words I live through forgiving the polarity/energy charges attached to them, and rather give words a practical reality definition that I can then LIVE, and thus become living words which will support in the expansion and transformation of myself rather than keep me within a point of emotional manipulation where I’m dis-empowered through how I’ve defined the words within a negative energy When and ...

I'm going to continue here from a few blogs ago, specifically - Day 281: Seeing More of "Me" through MEmories - and the first memory I brought up in this blog. It was of a girl I was in dance class with. Her name was Tiffany and she was liked by everyone in our class, including me. I felt inferior to her and so how within myself, I defined her according to specific things about her. Such as her smile - she had such a big smile with such white teeth and to me that was beautiful. She looked just like her mom and I remember thinking, "they are so lucky." Her family were wealthy, or at least I remember feeling like I had less money then her family and so within this defined myself as inferior to her. She was a specific point in my reality at that age that I used as a point of comparing myself to - defining myself as inferior to her based on physical attributes, her family and how everyone seemed to like her. It's almost as if because it seemed everyone like...

I am continuing here from the previous blogs -  271: Stuck in the Mind  and  272: Our Responsibility to Become Self-Aware . I am going to proceed with reviewing the initial blog in this series and open up some more points I wrote out about this particular moment I had in my car. The next point here would be where I write specifically, "While I was backing up, I realized I couldn't and didn't actually have the space, because someone was behind me. Then I looked to my left and saw a women who wanted to turn, but couldn't because I was in her way, motioning me to go ahead and make the turn. In this moment, I reacted and was like, "No - I can't do that - it's red" and I reacted to her not realizing the situation that I was 'stuck' where I was. But then I got frustrated because it was like I didn't want to sit there, in her way and waiting for the light - so I said 'fuck it' within myself and made the turn. In that I reacted thinkin...

Continuing here from the previous posts where I am looking at where I developed this idea that "I'm not good enough' or 'worthy'. Yesterday I laid out the more existential perspective; where it's easy to see how so many can have this view of themselves in a world that seems to not really care - if you don't have the looks, the car, the smarts or basically the money then you are not really considered to be of any worth and are disregarded in the eyes of the system and those that participate. So that is clear in how such a world of ours, where we place the value of life into/as the value of money - how much money you have or don't have and how it influence your life. is a key determinant to how one sees themselves. Even seeing how money is produced and to what extremes one will go to 'make money' - exploiting all types of people just to make a buck and because of that, we have images of what is good enough and worthy bombarding us on a daily ...

Continuing from yesterday's blog where I write out a point I have been facing that I came face to face with in the form of anger/rage. I recapped the points that I placed in the blog and so here I will take that first line of what I see was the cause/source/origin for the reactions and experiences I have been having the last few days and specifically what triggered the anger and rage within me. "I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as unworthy and not good enough." I mean this is clear to me that due to this acceptance and allowance as a self definition of 'who I am', I have created all sorts of relationships and play-outs in my life that were perhaps preventable; causing myself unnecessary strife in accepting such an idea about myself and then actually believing if another offer this to me, it would be real and make 'okay' the already established self definition of me. Obviously it can't, it wont and it hasn't. So what I am...

I am continuing here from my previous blog, Day 197: The Starting Point as Moment of Creation and I am going to apply self forgiveness for the points I see are within the writing. What I first see is, "I noticed one being's blog and then another's, connected these two blogs together and according to how I saw/defined them, from there decided I "wanted" to write a blog" This indicate my starting point for 'wanting' to write a blog was within desire - and what I am coming to see/realize/understand is that desire stems from, or comes from the starting point of fear. And when I look within myself, in that moment, yes that is where I was 'coming from'. I reacted to these two blogs sitting next to each other. lol - sounds ridiculous, but from there I compared myself, assumed something,  projected some alternate reality within my mind and then decided, "I must write a blog." Because I did not like what I was 'seeing' as my r...

A point of comparing myself to others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself, within my Life and my process, to others walking the same process/Journey to Life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within comparing myself, my life and my process of self realizations to others walking the same process, judge myself as inferior and less then them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within comparing myself to others walking the journey to life, accept myself through self judgment as inferior and within this limit myself within my own process in separating myself from others, instead of utilizing the support others here as me are walking/sharing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my self judgments of myself within my process as comparing myself to others as being inferior/less effective, use as an excuse to not change myself, wherein I then accept the back chat that ...

The other day was my day to moderate the desteni forum. What I saw, and have seen as a pattern – is every time I get to a post that I define as ‘long’ or ‘beyond’ something I can support – I will not moderate or offer any support. What I see within these moments is – looking at the post, then the future projection within my mind is of me taking on each statement/sentence/point that someone has written – and I will be addressing each point. And then within this, the reaction arise that it will ‘take to long’ and then I give up before I even try – or am not at all giving what I have already received –which is the time and support others gave to me unconditionally while I was just starting out walking this process. And so not considering, again others, or standing in their shoes, but only considering myself in the moment. Also I see a point of not trusting myself to actually be able to support – wherein I still define myself as inferior or ‘less then’ others within process, through...