Kristina's Journey to Life

After writing and publishing last night’s blog I noticed a familiar reaction come up within me. Often I go into self-judgment where I will feel as though my writings are too abstract, or not grounded/concrete enough and I end up just sounding like a cheerleader or motivational speaker – simply speaking words that have no real basis or understanding in practical, physical reality. Later what I realized is that the reason for this, is two points actually. The first being, that after reading some other blogs yesterday about ‘slowing down’ – I realized this is not something I really do with my blog. Like I never sit there for a moment, take a deep breath in and ‘see’ what is here for me to write. Often I go to blog about a point that I've decided upon earlier in the day or evening, which is fine, though I notice it’s within this rushing experience of like, ‘Oh great – got my blog point, okay now MOVE.’ And so what happens is I go into writing the blog, and I’m just so quick w...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suspend myself within my mind in a moment of time when/as I see myself hanging before the cliff as if I could easily fall into the addiction in which I am stopping I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself, within my mind, making the decision to fall into my addiction through justifying reasons and excuses as to ‘why’ it is ‘ok’ and that I can ‘start over’ and to within this actually for a moment or several believe this and actually think I do not have a choice within my decision – as if I do not have the ability to in that moment, despite what my mind is showing me or what I am accepting in that moment, I can always change, I can always change my mind, I can always change my nature and no longer allow that point to exist within me as taking back directive principle – even though I realize how easy it is to NOT – to just trust the habitual ways of my existence that validate to me the ease ...

This is a continuation of a series I am currently walking: 181: The Birth of a Bully 182: The Birth of a Bully part 2 183: The Bully Character in All it's Dimensions: Memory #1 184: Bonding over Names and Shared Interests 185: What we Allow within Inferiority and Superiority 186: Seeing Equality Through Polarity & Dumping Life for Illusion 188: Who I am Within the Decision/Choice I Make So looks here we are into the physical dimension of the experience of myself in the moment of 'dumping' my friend Cristina for a desired definition of myself: Raising the tone of my voice because Cristina did not believe me - so raising my voice as 'getting more serious' so that she will understand that I will no longer be her friend I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my voice tonality within frustration as the reaction to Cristina 'not getting it' wherein she did not actually believe me that I would no longer be her friend and ...

Taking a break from the series I have been walking as the memories within the 'bully character' - here I am going to address a point I saw within/as myself today. Sundays are usually my days of not resting, but in fact doing all the things I am unable to do during the week due to either classes or work. I have been on break from school for the past few weeks. Tomorrow starts a new semester and so a new opportunity to correct myself within who I have been in walking within school/classes. So I am keeping Sundays to be that which I do that I am unable to do during the week - such as laundry and grocery shopping and self work as my DIP lessons and Agreement Course Lessons, and then participating on the desteni forums and generally anything that gets put to the side during the week as obviously school is priority. Today I got about half of the stuff done. Because when it came to the points that I have generally throughout my process have had resistance to, specifically my SRA...

Every single being here within Existence is walking the exact process that we as Destonians are Directing ourselves through. Every single ONE of us are walking a process of Facing ourselves. Every single ONE of us are being shown in various ways the nature of ourselves - the depths of our darkness - the true self we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become. I had a very cool conversation with my mom tonight and it validated many points that I have come to realize within myself since I began walking my Process with Desteni. A few things that came up: The importance of sharing. With self and/or with another. My mom has been walking through many points within herself and found herself to be a bit emotional, overwhelmed and in discontent. She has found her mind racing and keeping her distracted from doing what she must do in her day to day tasks. When I started talking to my mom tonight - she was bothered, and as I sat with her - I kept pushing her to speak. She bec...