Kristina's Journey to Life

I for a long time have defined myself according to what I do. I have struggled with purpose in my life - defining it as something I do, rather than who I am. This is something I've worked with in the past  months, stabilizing myself in stopping the need for something 'out there' to substantiate me, such as a career, and bringing my focus back to me here, my day to day living. Though now, on the micro level, I have been back and forth in terms of my ability to direct myself throughout my day - often succumbing to a laziness character. When in such a character - I define myself as 'bad' and 'wrong' and it's quite a negative experience. Before I started participating within the Desteni Group - I wasn't very active. I didn't have much direction in my life - I was very much stuck in my comfort zone, without ever really exploring ideas of how to branch out and really develop and expand myself. I was stuck in simply the satisfaction of relationship...

"I woke up hungry this morning so I read the word of god and was satisfied" Let us now as(k) a child or half the pollution that goes without food daily to do the same. Their bodies decaying from malnutrition while the rest of the population are blinded in ignorance of beliefs that only satisfy the protection of self interest. How can we exist in a World where we allow a God to be our 'filler' - an imaginary 'father' that promises a life of eternal peace, just so long as we ignore what is real in matter in our attempts to not take responsibility for what the world actually is. This God we believe to 'fill us up' by his words in some book - does not actually feed the hungry, save the poor, protect the innocent. Instead this God fills us with fear of burning forever if we are not his perfect little slaves spreading this deceit to the rest of the World. God is not the Solution - as Jesus said, Give unto another what you would like to Receive. D...

Day 21 - and as I say, "It's my day 21 - I can't believe I made it" - just goes to show how much I never really trusted myself or pushed myself to do what I say I will do - or believe in myself enough to know I can - I am able - and I can will myself. The Mind - as it exists - only judges. Observes and places it's opinion. Always has a 'back chat' - I thought or idea or picture or association for anything and all things within it's Reality. As I saw myself today, in constant judgment of myself and others. I breathe yes, to stop myself, yet, why are they even here? Why have I created this of myself? Because I have believed this voice in my head to be real - to be who I am - then am I not responsible for what those thoughts are specifically - what they consist of and how they are directed. This is Standing Equal and One as the Mind. Taking Responsibility for what exists within me - because here is where Self takes back the Power to actually change Se...

Day 14 Thinking is separation - separation from what is Here as the phsycial Reality -where we are in fact and that which matters. As I was washing a french press that I have at my mom's place - it reminded me of when I was on the Desteni Farm - where I first used a french press. I was in my mind within this memory, the different experiences I had with the french press and how I broke at least 1, very possible 2 of them while I was there. And while I was thinking about this - within the Reality that is Here - that Reality I was separating myself from being within the memory, existing only for me, I broke the french press I was washing. Interesting - because as I was separating from the Physical Reality, existing in the Imaginary Reality - I ended up breaking/ruining what it is I was actually participating with. Just a small example and reminder for me of what it means to be within and As the Mind - it completely disregards what is Real - what is actually Here - and a...