Kristina's Journey to Life

Over the holidays I had taken a break from writing, which isn't necessarily recommended, but still something I did. Now that the holidays are over, and moving back into my "normal" routine, I can see this point of questioning... why, when my routine changes, I think I must stop supporting myself? It's like I put everyone on hold... the pause button is pushed, and I am in a state of not moving until it's all over. I can see how in these moments of when our routine changes the most, when we are out of our comfort zones, that's when our self-support can assist greatly. As I was writing earlier this morning, it was like wading through a mucky, muddy pool of gunk that was hard to maneuver within. I see this as a consequences to stopping the flow of me as my expression. Writing, self-introspection, self-forgiveness... these are things that I must still practice because they are not yet completely and absolutely a part of my being. I am still in the process of ch...

In the last couple months, I have been making it a point to write everyday, or at least every couple days. Writing has been a consistent resistance I've experienced throughout my process, and well frankly it was causing consequences within myself, and so in my life. How you ask? Well with writing, it's a point of reflecting on who I am within my day to day living - introspecting and asking questions about why I do what I do, or where the thoughts I think come from - better understanding myself and how I function, and ultimately it's about taking self-responsibility for who I am. I wasn't doing that. I was projecting a lot of blame, victimizing myself in relation to others and life circumstances, and essentially wallowing in self-pity. To me this was a consequence I was creating through not taking self-responsibility for myself through writing. So I decided to start, and like I said, it's something I've been consistently working on the past couple of month...

Here I am challenging the ideas I've come to accept in relation to 'how' I self investigate within my process as self writing and looking at points/ relationships I have created towards all things in my life/living and expose to myself another form of resistance I've created towards writing and how that is in fact self-sabotaging. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within my process of self investigation as writing in thinking and believing that “I don’t know how to sort out this point” in relation to experiences/ reactions to people and situations in my life instead of seeing /realize/understanding that this is where I then stop and do not go into writing about it but simply accept the idea that I don’t know or can’t figure it out or that it is not clear when clearly this is simply me fucking with me as my mind to ensure I do not find out what is going on and thus apply solutions as self forgiveness and self correction a...

What I'm going to do here is support myself to write in the moment. A lot of times I come prepared with something to write about - with an idea or point specifically I want to write about, or more so a point I hold onto as to ensure I have 'something' to write about, as another way to get this over with, to make sure I have something so I'm not feeling like I have nothing to offer or.... it's like a long pause here and second guessing myself in this moment, wanting to stop and try something else. Always looking for the best way to place myself as these words, or how can I do something 'better' that will make me more comfortable within how I think I am presenting myself to others and how in turn others will respond/react to me and of course, always wanting the most desirable outcome I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prepare and present myself as these words in a way that makes me look the best and that will give me the...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of 'I just don't want to do it' in relation to blogging and self supportive writing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up in self supportive writing and blogging the moment I have a resistance towards it and my back chat tells me so - trusting in the experience instead of realizing the moment as the opportunity I have here to actually push through at the moment where I want to give up the most, realizing this is the point of change, as becoming self directive and no longer taking direction from the mind as back chats that I allow to produce an energetic experience I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself all sorts of excuses and justifications as to why I do not 'have to' place a blog tonight - instead of seeing within self honesty that I am avoiding the point of facing myself, of changing myself, of actual...

Tonight I was writing about some memories from a fear (interesting - meant to write few here) years ago, in relation to a particular experience I faced and how I reacted within that - realizing I never really gave myself the opportunity to write it out for myself and actually look at what happened and how I, myself, played out the whole experience within me and within my life . This memory/time in my life was specific in that it was the point in my life where I realized the process of self forgiveness. This was before I ever was introduced to Self Forgiveness as a structured application of taking self responsibility and as a self clearing/cleansing - it was before I ever found desteni. I came to the conclusion that the only way I would be able to let go of the experiences I was having at that stage in my life would be to forgive myself for my past, what I had done - I mean I was in the point of self blame and regret and it was consuming me within my mind to the point where it was ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility as self investigation and reflection through writing, self forgiveness and self honesty through projecting myself, my process and ‘my points’ unto others in making my attention and focus unto others and what ‘they’ are doing and what ‘they’ are facing and how 'they’ must change – instead of realizing it’s ALL ME that I see within and as 'them' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ignore myself as abdicating my self responsibility to sorting out myself and who I am as the conditioned nature of myself as self interest in attempting to not have to face myself or sort out what I accept and allow as myself in each moment through existing in thoughts and back chats about others and their process and what they are doing or not doing and to within this blame them for how they walk their process instead of realizing I am projecting all of myself ...

I have opened up this point - of finding out I am the bully that I feared - and while I am busy walking through it - I see thoughts and back chats coming up as reactions to it - not wanting to 'do it' - or complete it - like just wanting to 'free write' about my day or not give myself direction basically in actually sorting out what is here as the memories I have placed - as the whole personality I have developed that is still existing within me of being a bully - so it's like I see this point as "too big" and will take many blogs to complete and yes, so not wanting to actually direct myself, commit myself to actually walk through what I have allowed myself to see. This is not cool because obviously it's an attempt to ignore what is here, and what I have specifically, physically placed for myself to write - so I will apply self forgiveness and corrective statements for myself here as to no longer allow the resistance to walking this point direct me, an...

I realize I have not yet finished up with self corrective statements for the forgiveness I applied a couple blogs ago - but here I want to hold myself accountable for an acceptance within this Journey to Life Blogs. I have made a point to be consistent in walking my Journey to Life, in blogging daily as a way to support myself in walking out of my Mind and into Life here, basically re-scripting that which is Life, who I am as the living word - what I will live as principles that is best for all. And so while I have committed myself to this commitment, I see days where I do not want to write, but do not want to 'miss' a day of JTL blogging - like wanting to 'keep up' and so I will just write a little bit, but not actually write out a blog and save it for myself for later to complete/write out and then post - and so then using this as a way to keep up and not get behind, yet I see dishonesty within this because I am not actually here as the blog - I am just doing ...

Continuing from the point I brought up yesterday in terms of 'how to' face addictions , today I woke up with clear direction in how to support myself, but I was aware of the fact that addictions are a habitual movement within ourselves as in our minds or physical action taken, so it's this point of always doing it, thinking it, 'going there' so to speak, to the point where it like becomes ingrained in the very flesh of ourselves as "who we are", as the nature of ourselves - but really it's just a play out of an acceptance, of a way of living, a daily choice we make, even a moment by moment choice we make, where we decide to do something or not. Obviously what lies behind the 'choice' is the most valid point to consider because this is what drives us to ultimately go into an addiction or not. So when we have created ourselves to be addicted to something, it's because we, every time faced with a choice or decision, we "go there"...