Kristina's Journey to Life

For today - the point of believing you are letting go of a relationship from the past, yet you actually aren't because you are still thinking and imagining things about them - as well as the dishonesty we dwell in when we say things in our minds to others that we would not say to their face. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back chat about others in my life, imagining what I would say to them in various situations, or based in certain contexts - but stemming from one interaction with them that I then attempt to gain the upper hand/position I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself by thinking I am letting go of a relationship /person in my life but then continue to hold on to them as back chat conversations in my mind about/towards them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by the mind, by myself, and others as abdicating one's responsibility and accountability for ...

Continuing on with the series of blogs I have been walking with the support of the Eqafe interview by the Atlanteans, 'Giving Up' - here I am going into the second interview in the series titled, "Giving Up: Understanding." The first part in this interview was looking at the trust and faith we give to our minds, specifically the back chats, or voices in our head that basically tell us who we are and how we 'should' react to something. We define ourselves so much as our minds, we never stop and question whether that is in fact who we are. Of course we don't question it, because we have accepted it as part of ourselves, we are 'thinking beings', we follow the thoughts in our mind, we trust the words we speak to ourselves, and we don't for a minute think that maybe there is something beyond that, or within that that is the real essence of our beingness - our presence. So the following self-forgiveness is specifically for this acceptan...

Here I'm continuing walking the EQAFE's Atlantean Series, 'Giving Up.' I suggest to read my previous blog for context. The first part, or first dimension of this particular ' giving up ' outflow was when one has a negative reaction to a particular event/situation in one's life, which is what you can read in my previous blog. The following is the Self-forgiveness in relation to the 2nd dimension or part 2 of the initial phase of activating the 'giving up' system, which is the back chat/voices in the head that we participate in that fuel the giving up decision , where we began justifying why it's okay for us to give up; the reasons and excuses we give ourselves to take that particular direction/path/road. I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to my initial negative reaction to the change in another's interaction with me as the back chat of “it’s too much” I forgive myself that I have accept...

I am currently busy walking the EQAFE Atlantean Series "Giving Up" . I highly recommend this series, as well as any series on Eqafe, but specifically the Atlantean's as they present a step-by-step guide on 'how to' understand and correct specific emotions/feelings we face throughout our lives. So the first interview was insightful and supportive for me, because although I was able to identify the 'giving up' thoughts that were coming up in relation to a specific point I am facing in my life - what I was able to see more clearly through listening to the interview was the trigger of this giving up play out within my mind which came from an initial reaction to a point in my life that was negative in nature, and from there I activated this 'giving up' construct within/as me. It was quite a heavy experience this past week as this specific energy/emotion was coming up as wanting to give up. That is why I am so grateful for the Atlantean series, as ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within this worry that I am being a caring person I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed worry to exist within and as me as a negative energy experience I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed worry to become an emotional experience within me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I worry about others I am actually somehow assisting and supporting them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on other peoples lives within the experience of worry in thinking and believing that somehow my worry will cause a reaction within another and will create some kind of solution for them - somehow justifying or validating the experience of worry within me as being something that will somehow, in someway benefit others I forgive myself that I have accepted an...

Seems I did not save the last words I wrote – which were about a comment on youtbe that I reacted to. This person was speaking about how she was experiencing herself within addiction, and then suggesting ways she will support herself within this. I reacted to her words, I that I did not trust her. I thought she was actually playing with me – making fun of me and did not actually mean what she was saying. So taking this back to myself – I can see I don’t trust myself. Because what I projected onto her was that, secretly she had other intentions. She was sneaking something within her self that she was not showing me and just presenting something else to me, in a deicitful way. I can see how throughout my whole life, I have done this. I have always existed within this secret reality of my mind where my experience ‘in here’/within myself has been totally different from what I present to the rest of the world. – And the fear of being exposed as such has been quite an influence in my l...