Day 245: Worry as what is Here - Reaction or Creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within this worry that I am being a caring person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed worry to exist within and as me as a negative energy experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed worry to become an emotional experience within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I worry about others I am actually somehow assisting and supporting them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on other peoples lives within the experience of worry in thinking and believing that somehow my worry will cause a reaction within another and will create some kind of solution for them - somehow justifying or validating the experience of worry within me as being something that will somehow, in someway benefit others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to believe worry, as how I define and thus experience it to be a real experience

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that worry is just a form of fear and paranoia within my mind as a projection of myself unto others - distracting myself from me here and the responsibility that I have as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see worry as a natural experience of myself as a human

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that worry will somehow cause another to feel better, if they know I am worried about them - then somehow they will find relief in this instead of realizing it is actually something I am doing for myself - to myself, as myself - using another as a form of distraction and excuse, focusing on other as 'my problem' instead of taking responsibility for the worry, and what it reveals, that is existent within me and getting to the bottom of why I am allowing worry to exist within me as I see/realize/understand that it is something I accept and allow to exist within me because in some way is serves my self interest or self definitions or relationships I have created towards others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use worry as an excuse to exist within thoughts and emotional, energetic experiences within me, instead of stopping and breathing and finding out why I am allowing this point of distraction - or rather what am I revealing about myself in/as the experience of worry within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define worry as something that defines me as caring for another and thus believe this is 'real care'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define worry as being something that I feel for another when in reality what I am implying here is that another cannot take care of or support themselves and so I allow worry to exist as a way to be a savior, to think somehow I am more capable of taking care of another's life instead of taking care of my own life - which I am deliberately avoiding in my acceptance of worry about others within/as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I am worried about another person then that means I value the relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express this worry in the form of thoughts, energy as emotions and images within my mind as possible scenarios one might find themselves within and within this causing more energetic friction within me in thinking about another and then worrying about them and thinking that within this worrying I am somehow doing something of worth or value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept worry within and as me without question instead of realizing it comes from a source within me that I have defined as 'natural' and apart of human nature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use worrying about another as something that prove to me/them that I care about them and thus this makes me a 'good person'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use worry as a self definition to be self-righteous as a self definition of making myself feel/look good in my own eyes and the eyes of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe worry is something that I cannot stop within and as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use worry to not have to face myself - what is here within/as me, looking at why worry exists within me - where it comes from and how I am sustaining it as I see/realize/understand we as humans have designed ourselves in such a way where we accept and allow ourselves to exist within a mind that serves only our self interest and thus not actually caring about others and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this worry as a real experience as myself, instead of realizing it exists within the realm of the mind - the space of self interest and thus an illusion as I realize I can stop it in just one moment - as one breathe and prove to myself that it was never real as it has no measurable affect on the physical reality or my physical body unless I ALLOW it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think worry is a valuable emotion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to the experience of worry as being a point in which I can express myself as 'caring' and 'concerned' and to within this not take it a step further as a physical living expression of myself that will no longer allow the living expression of/as this world to be that of one that produce one to worry and so use worry to cover up my inability to live and act in ways that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use worry as a way to show others they are not alone - yet realizing no one can tell that I am worried as it starts and exists within and as me, and only through my continued participation and accumulation of it as an energetic emotion within me will I express it physically/outwardly as my behaviors and words - yet this takes a constant and continuous acceptance and allowance of it within/as me and thus if I express outwardly the physical expression of worry - I am then possessed by energy which is then moving/directing me as not stopping to see/realize/understand what actually LIES behind the experience of worry - the starting point from which it emerged and realizing I created it

So that was just some freestyle/freewrite self forgiveness on the word worry - I came here tonight not 'knowing' what to write about and simply allowed myself to breathe and look at what points were here. The word worry came up.

It's interesting because the whole time I am writing these self forgiveness statements, I see these back chats within me saying "this is pointless, there is no use to do this, this is not a real experience for you..." weird that last statement I would make to myself, who is talking to me when I say "this is not a real experience for YOU" wow - talk about being crazy with voices in our mind yet we don't stop to question those voices. We have so automatically come to accept ourselves as a being in the mind, we have so automatically set ourselves to be 'thinking beings' we cannot even distinguish which part of ourselves is talking to us - if those parts are 'really' us, if they are acting or serving only our self interest or what is actually best for all - or if they are just fragments of our imaginations that we have separated ourselves into/as and giving it life - giving it the substance of life as our physical bodies through participating and believing it is real; that we are only our minds and in the mean time not take notice or stand within the physical body that breathes - the real breath of life - where life is sustaining life.

Recently I have seen how quickly I move within reactions as energy. And while the 'worry point' is not something that was energetically charged within/as me, meaning I was not possessed by this 'experience' of worry tonight - the word was here as me and this is a point I have been pushing within myself to apply. To stop and breathe and really take a good look at what is 'here' within/as myself to be able to distinguish where things and points and perspectives I see are 'real' in terms of if they are valid and worth paying attention to or whether they are fueled and charged by energy as a reaction I have to something that acted as a trigger - allowing it to set of the whirlwind of internal movements and chaos.

So a point I have been working with... stopping and breathing and taking/giving myself a moment to be with myself, see what is 'here' within and as me as I see this is a much more effective way of living. Because when we act out of re-action - we create consequences we might not necessarily want to live through, something we see was not necessary and thus had to teach ourselves a 'hard lesson' when in reality prevention is the best cure. So I came here tonight with no ideas necessarily of what I should/could write about, but instead breathed and brought myself 'here' to see what was here and thus moved to write - trusting myself in the process and not allowing myself to stop myself besides the internal direction of the thoughts that attempt in allways to keep one 'down' and 'diminished' and in a state of self paranoia.

So gift yourself with the application of stopping and breathing. Determine and assess what you see within you; whether it is coming from a reaction as a rift within self or whether it is here, stable and requiring to be expressed; I realize this is what it means to live best for all; without energy influencing one, but instead self influencing self to trust what is here as the expression of ourselves in every moment. Of course it is a process, of stopping those voices in our head enough to be able to HEAR what is HERE - yet it's possible and I am seeing more and more the results of that.

I have 'seen' this point time and time again - when I look at the word REACTION - it is actually the word CREATION, with the words moved about a bit. We either react as 'responding' to something outside/separate from us here that acts as a trigger to 'set us off' and thus moves us to act in certain ways or express from a starting point of separation - or we are standing within/as Creation, as the creators - where we are SELF movement as SELF expression, making the decision to be HERE, utilize what is HERE, express what is HERE and thus free and clear to create what is best for all and thus leads to an outcome we do not have to worry about later. We don't have to worry about ourselves, because that is essentially what we are doing in our worries, even if we use 'others' as the point we are 'worried' about - 'others' are actually us and so best to bring self back to self, stand here and take responsibility for the inner and outer realities we have. Realizing that until we direct our inner reality we cannot possibly direct our outward reality and so this is where the process begins - of Creating ourselves and our Reality to be that which reflect what is Best for All as the real worthy expression of Life - Me, here, in/as the moment, of/as breath, equal to and one with Life.

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