Kristina's Journey to Life

Yesterday, while doing my writings, I found an interesting and cool point of support when looking at a specific back chat within my mind , the idea/statement of "I don't have enough time." This was in relation to incorporating a new point for myself within my weekly schedule and while I have considered adding this new point of responsibility/commitment to my week for awhile now, the one point that has been used as a resistance or justification as to why 'I can't' is because of this time point - thinking and believing I don't have enough time. While writing this out, what I noticed within the last week was that while I was satisfied with how I was moving through the points during my day and so overall my week, there were many moments wherein I went to entertain myself. Now, even though I was getting through everything else that was priority and in that, satisfied with my application - I noticed that there were many moments where my 'time' was f...

Here I'm closing the distraction point because to continue writing about distractions and what I use to distract myself is not necessarily living the correction and as such, realizing the actual problem. I mean the solution is within the problem and the problem that cause one to seek out a distraction is the unwillingness to become self honest and face what one accepts and allows. I have used distractions for a multitude of purposes, yet the one point that remain is the unwillingness to stop and change . To actually move myself through any/all energetic reactions or experience that trigger within me, to actually take self responsibility and face what is going on - a distraction is a lacking of self awareness and self willingness to get to know self for real. I mean, the moment I give myself the apparent choice to choose a distraction, I am absolutely implying that I don't care to know why I am running away from myself, why I want to hide out from myself, why I am not w...

This is a continuation from yesterday's blog, Day 175: The Implication of Needing Assurance. Before I go deeper and specific into the points that I opened within that particular blog, I want to address a statement I made in the same blog: "hmmm, I wonder where I got that idea?" -This was referring to how I saw within/throughout my life that I felt I 'needed' to wear make-up and so in this statement, I am asking where I would have accepted this belief, yet within this I can see some blame and within myself, as I was typing the words , I saw myself see my parents as an image as well as media and entertainment/celebrities within my mind. So I will take responsibility for this as I see/realize/understand that no one is to blame for what I, My-SELF, accept and allow within/as myself in this life . I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when typing the words, "hmmm, I wonder where I got that idea?", in regards to thinking and belie...

While I was away for a couple days - before I left I 'made plans' within my mind to do certain things while I was away. This did not happen. While I attempted to 'set myself up' to 'be productive' I failed before I even began . I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself within my mind when I am thinking about things I can do I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the thoughts of things I will get done in terms of the future, instead of realizing this is separation as the future projections are a distraction, and while I was thinking of 'what I could have done' - I could have been DOING the things that required to get done I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the THINK about what I can do - instead of actually doing it I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the space of my mind that creates thoughts and ideas of how to live - instea...

WRITING: In the last week I have seen where I have allowed myself go into ‘attention diversion’ – where I allow myself to divert my attention away from myself and in this case, into movies as entertainments. In these moments, there is a point of “I just want to relax”, “I don’t want to do anything” and also, what I found while watching these movies as a form of attention diversion, is that I completely throw myself into the movie where I allow the emotions of the movies to take me on a ride, and when I get off (the movie is over)– I want more. One night not too long ago, I ended up watching 3 movies in row, because I didn’t want to face myself alone, and wanted that ‘excitement’ of the stories I was watching… I wanted to energy. So looking more specifically at the starting point for wanting to just watch movies was the back chat of self –abdication, where there were things to be done, yet I opted to ‘give up’ and ‘let them go’ as to not have to face them – myself as the responsibi...