Showing posts from February, 2012

2012: Fear of Criticism: Facing/Forgiving/Correcting

We are to stand in the store and start talking to people when they come in or when they are there – just start talking to them about the water – get them to watch a short video and do a demonstration and then ask if they want to do the 2 week free trial of water.

J asked me to show him what I was going to say – I said no, I will just do it. I was scared to do it in front of him – and I have had this experience in my past – where I believe I am more fearful of showing people I know a specific personality – or when I am ‘on’ then some random stranger.

SO this is a value point – valuing people I know more than people I know now.

Because I believe I wont be as scared. Because the people that know me – ‘know me’ apparently –and really it’s like I am acting, putting on a show, a presentation – and that makes me nervous. For the people that I know –what if they have something critical to say? – This is the thoughts that go on in my head – it’s like an extreme resistance where I li…

2012: Want something Done? DO it! A tale of time-looping

I recently gathered all my blogs I have published since I started the writing/blogging process. What is fascinating is certain patterns seem to constantly arise within myself - and I was time-looping a point within myself pretty consistently.

The point, fascinatingly enough, was about the writing/blogging process itself. Where I was constantly judging myself for not writing and exposing this through writing, then writing for a bit, before I fell again. I would then time-loop again with starting to write, exposing this point of not consistently writing, and then fall again.

What I realized within this and is funny now to see - how simple to solution was/is.

I wanted and expected of myself to write more within blogs. And in my day to day living. And I was not satisfied with myself when I would not be consistent with it and thus judge myself for not pushing myself, and allow myself to fall within this. I experienced resistance to it - and allowed it - and then allowed myself to judge…

2012: Life and Death - Communication with the "Other Side"

I just finished listening to "Portal Expanded Interdimensionally".

In this Interview - a child that dies from Leukemia speaks about he's experience here while on earth - and as he died and "crossed over" into the dimensions. He speaks about the questions he had while here in this world, like, why is he sick? Why do other children get to live a normal life? What's fascinating is that even as a small child - everyone around him was telling him that, "God has a greater purpose for you and heaven is waiting for you and you are special" And he could not accept this, imagine that... A child seeing through the deception of acceptance adults attempt to impose onto children about what this world is and why things are the way they are.

He speaks about his death and what he found in "heaven" - how he didn't accept what was being shown to him - and returned to his body to see what was really going on. He found many other children with the same …

2012: A Blogger's walk of Self Transformation - My Time Line


2012: Fear of Sharing Equal Money: Facing/Forgiving/Correcting


A couple weeks ago I was at work. I was talking with a co-worker about ‘the system’. I don’t recall the specifics about what he was saying or what I was saying – I only recall my experience in relation to offering a solution.

In general we were talking about how the System – the economic System – is basically a brutal system that does not consider what is best for all. It was messed up and rough to exist in such a system. There was a sense of ‘this is how it is – oh well’ within it – and I saw myself want to offer a solution – such as an Equal money System.

I imagined myself saying, “That is Why I stand for an Equal Money System – as it takes on the core point of why this world is the way it is” – but I didn’t. I resisted. I went into fear – or, I allowed fear to exist within and as me – and so I stayed silent.

I immediately went into regret – as I saw that this was an opportunity to offer a solution to another that they might not have considered themselves. That perhaps …

2012: We All walk the Same Process = Equal as One

Every single being here within Existence is walking the exact process that we as Destonians are Directing ourselves through.

Every single ONE of us are walking a process of Facing ourselves.

Every single ONE of us are being shown in various ways the nature of ourselves - the depths of our darkness - the true self we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

I had a very cool conversation with my mom tonight and it validated many points that I have come to realize within myself since I began walking my Process with Desteni.

A few things that came up:

The importance of sharing. With self and/or with another. My mom has been walking through many points within herself and found herself to be a bit emotional, overwhelmed and in discontent. She has found her mind racing and keeping her distracted from doing what she must do in her day to day tasks. When I started talking to my mom tonight - she was bothered, and as I sat with her - I kept pushing her to speak. She became emot…

2012: The Eternal Expression of Love Exposed

"Love Never Dies... we are all an eternal expression of love"


This is spewed to the masses - and has been since even before the 70's. 'Love is the Answer'. 'All you need is Love' 'Love will change the world'

How can this be true - if the "Love Movement" proved that Love doesn't create actual change in this world.

Looking even closer at this statement, "Love Never Dies... we are all an eternal expression of love" - Can we say that this is true in Self Honesty? If 'as above so below', wouldn't this indicate that Heaven is a reflection of Earth - and Earth is a reflection of Heaven? Thus - Heaven is equally fucked as Earth - existing in separation.

We beLIEve that when we die - we leave behind this world and come into the full awareness of "who we really are" as apparent "expressions of Love"

Why would earth be separate in the 'expression of Love' and it is only lived after you …

Understanding the Secrets of Sex

Get to know all parts of sex - how it is, why it is - in all it's various aspects in this world. Educate yourself.

2012: Valentines Day = My Love is Conditional

Today is Valentine's Day. A Day we SELLebrate "our love" for another. Apparently - we need a day to do this. Kind of like Christmas and Thanksgiving where we need a day to remind ourselves to give to each other.

What's fascinating is that this holiday can only be sold those that "have love"... or those that have money.

This "holiday" is useless to the mass of people that are without jobs and food and homes - it's actually a slap in the face to them.

Those of us in the comfortable side of the current system - those of us with money - can go around and pretend love is real through taking one day out of the year sharing our conditional love with each other. Yes - we have to buy flowers and chocolates and take each other out dinner to show that we care. That we are in love.

What the fuck? This day exposes just how self abusive this world is - where those of us with money - only care about ourselves and "our love". But this Love is no…

2012: "Every One Change in their Own Time"

"Every One change in their own time"

In Time - we believe we heal. Through time we believe things will 'fall into place'. In time we believe we will see the truth and find peace. But what is time and how does time move? Per second? Per Minute? Per hour, day, week, year? How do we grasp time and why is time something that happens to us? Why are we not living as time - walking with time breath by breath - moment by moment here?

The idea that 'every one change in their own time" implies everyone exists in their own reality. as if time is calculated and accumulated differently for each person. This implies separation as we say, "I am not there yet - I will get there in my own time" Don't we realize Time is here Equal and One with all - as we are all on One Earth, that moves the same and we have days and night and we are all walking through time together. No one has their own experience of time.... Unless you are in your Mind. In your Mind - you bec…

2012: Accumulation Created Thoughts and Standing Up

I wasn't going to write tonight here... it was a thought that accumulated through experiences tonight.

I came home and went to read a chat. Mid chat - I decided I wanted to make a vlog - as it's been a couple weeks, and wanted to face the point and address some stuff of spirituality.

While I was making the vlog - I was having, or I have been having a lot of reactions/back chats come up recently in relation to it. Like, "I am not clear - I don't have all the points - I don't speak clear enough - it wont make sense, I can do a better vlog later with more preparation" And it's fascinating because my previous experience with vlogging was like, cool, here we go, no preparation - just speak and breathe and be here, and I was usually satisfied within the point. Well. getting self honest, it was usually me re watching the video to make sure it was acceptable to me. that I looked ok, I sounded ok, like I knew what i was talking about - that it made sense, and us…

2012 Proves Human Devolution

It has been over 2000 years since the idea was placed that this world would face a great change. A mass awakening - a helping hand. Years and years of waiting to see what will come - what will happen. This whole world as been sitting idly by - being busy with buying up goods - and getting lost in the 'what's to come scenarios'.

Its so fascinating that we are so entertained by the ideas of how the earth will change - which savior is going to come rescue us - that we don't consider that WE can BE the CHANGE.

I mean fuck, how dumb have we become as a society that we, instead of taking responsibility for what this world exist as and has become, what it reflects as humanity as a whole, just talk and debate and defend our opinion about whether we believe in the Mayan prophecy or Nostradamus;s predictions.

We would rather converse about what 'could happen' instead of making things happen. And this is the point we must all Face - We are the Creators of this Reality …

2012: 21 Days and Beyond...

21 Days and Beyond...

So I have been constant with myself in writing a blog everyday for the last 24 days. It is cool to be here and see how I am learning to trust myself - within realizing that it is about making a decision within self and giving self no room to negotiation. Meaning - through this writing process, I have experienced resistances, and irritation and distractions and avoidance - but in the end, always making the decision to complete the task, walk it through, get it done.

Looking back on the process, I can see where I can be more specific within my writing, within applying myself within self responsibility for what I am writing through self forgiveness, and actually utilizing this writing process as a way to face myself. As points came up within myself through the last 3 weeks of self judgment and fear of others, and mostly self judgments. And instead of taking a part these points within myself, facing them, seeing where they are coming from, how I created them... I ju…