Kristina's Journey to Life

  Today, I felt some embarrassment and shame around a projection I had on another. I read their words (online) in a way that made me feel they were "lashing out" and "snapping" at me—feeling a lot of hate from them and like they were "trying to diminish" me. I even thought there was jealousy, and essentially that they were reacting.  I mentioned this, not so specifically, but generally noticing a reaction from them. They said it wasn't that so apparently I was mistaken.  Okay, fine. I totally misread their words, and then I was like, "Wow—that is quite the misinterpretation."  Deeper within this I can see clearly times when I lashed out and snapped in reaction towards another and what I've come to understand is that "everything is my energy" so when I "feel hate" coming from someone, it's actually the hate I am experiencing. Likely I've given that type of energy out into the world and so it's now come back ...

A point here of how even when life presents the direction for me, I doubt and fear and hesitate instead of trusting myself and what is opening up in my life. Externally moving forward yet internally having 2nd thoughts... I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the decision within myself about who I am going to be as the direction I take within my life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resistance and hesitant to the points opening up in my world where although I see them as obvious and practical and best for me, I also am impartial nonchalant and even a little doubtful about it I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as sitting on the fence within myself wherein I have not given myself the opportunity to clearly map out who I am in relation to the directions opening up in my reality and where I rather walk through the motion and move forward with the direction, but within me I am moving in ...

A moment of seeing myself push down reactions that seem too much to bear, and the realization that this doesn't work. What to do with these internal conflicts? Suppress, ignore, run from? Or face, understand, direct and Change? We can't keep hiding from ourselves... and there something more constructive we can do with all these frustrations. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress reaction I think are too much to deal with I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stuff down emotions I don't know how to process I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stiffened and hardened by stuffing down emotions I think I can't or don't want to deal with or process I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it's easier to 'forget about it' then deal with emotions towards things in my life that are challenging I forgive myself that I have accepted a...