Kristina's Journey to Life

Every so often I will find myself swaying from my stability because I see another swaying from their stability... and in this, a dependency is revealed where I have not yet fully established my own self-stability. And so forgiveness for creating, accepting, and allowing this instability and the commitment to creating my self-stability I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my stability to be conditional on someone else's I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and sway from my stability if I think, believe or perceive another is doing the same thing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe if someone else is reacting, I must react to I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another person's reactions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own reactions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a re-action I forg...

So this point I want to bring up in what I am seeing myself develop again, in terms of ‘old behavior’. I have been watching tv series before I go to bed, and I have created the habit of keeping the show on while I go to sleep. And the other night, I saw this dependency on doing this – instead of simply being able to be here, in the silence that is the breath and walking myself into rest/sleep.. I was afraid to do this. I wanted the tv on for the noise.. almost like I feared being alone, with myself, which is interesting because I am always alone, yet reveals fear of being with myself/facing myself. I had this habit growing up. Where I did not like the silence, I wanted ‘background noise’ and I think the point is this fear of being alone, fear of the silence and thus using the tv or background noise as a safety sound to make myself feel safe and secure and ‘not alone’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a habit of watching a tv series before I g...