Kristina's Journey to Life

Continuing with opening the word Success - how I've defined it and lived it throughout my life . I have a memory in my life, in my early twenties, where I become quite obsessed with the idea of making money. I was full of desire, and wanted an escape from my life, and I thought if I invested a lot of money in this specific course, I would be able to do just that. I spent one weekend at a seminar, and over $1000 on material, and a few weeks to follow of research for something that did not play out as I expected. The desire to succeed, which was really the desire for more money/financial freedom was the motivation, though I did not at that stage understand what it actually takes to create something – I simply just wanted results NOW. After not getting what I was expecting, thinking if I just threw enough money, and had certain material, things would just work out for me – though of course that is now how it works, and I simply gave up. The energy as the desire depleted and I...

So while in communication with another recently, I saw an 'easiness' to it where it just flowed, and I was here and could be open and expressive and in that enjoyed myself with/as another. Then we communicated again, and I saw something shift, something change. I know it wasn't the 'other' - it was me - it's always me I see. Because according to how I placed/defined the first communication - placing it on a pedestal within a positive polarity charge - when the communication happened again, I had something to compare it to - created then an expectation and thus did not 'live up' to the initial judgment of it. I went into a negative experience within/as myself and I saw what was creating. Me - me within thoughts and fears and uncertainty and assumptions ; interpreting another's words according to my own mental filters and so within this stops me from being here, in/as my communication, unconditional, and instead go into my thinking and wondering...

My reactions within myself in relation to another wherein I allowed something that has happened in the past to define who I am here and how I interact/react to the person today. This will be covered in many posts to come. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at another for not being in my life while I was growing up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto anger towards another for coming back into my life after so many years of not being a part of my life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame another for not being a part of my life while I was growing up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at another for returning to my life and believe they expect to be a part of my life after not being a part of it while I was growing up and blame them for this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume another expects me to be here for them to support them in their life beca...

Every single being here within Existence is walking the exact process that we as Destonians are Directing ourselves through. Every single ONE of us are walking a process of Facing ourselves. Every single ONE of us are being shown in various ways the nature of ourselves - the depths of our darkness - the true self we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become. I had a very cool conversation with my mom tonight and it validated many points that I have come to realize within myself since I began walking my Process with Desteni. A few things that came up: The importance of sharing. With self and/or with another. My mom has been walking through many points within herself and found herself to be a bit emotional, overwhelmed and in discontent. She has found her mind racing and keeping her distracted from doing what she must do in her day to day tasks. When I started talking to my mom tonight - she was bothered, and as I sat with her - I kept pushing her to speak. She bec...

Walking through the consequences of my Past This last semester of school (fall), I was on academic probation because of my decisions and actions made 2 years ago. I attempted school and withdrew after just half the semester. This time around - I was dedicated and motivated to be in school, participating and doing what was needed to be done. Yet - with completing the same amount of credits this semester as I attempted 2 years ago - I was finishing with only a 50% completion rate - so while being on academic probation - I went into suspension. No problem - I has been speaking with my adviser and all I had to do was submit an appeal for the suspension. So I got support letters from my teachers, my reason for dropping out 2 years ago, and a letter of what I am willing do to to ensure success with my education. My adviser was convinced my appeal would go through because of the turn around I made - and I also felt confident about it - and so I continued my registration for classes, and...