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Showing posts from May, 2020

Day 672: Justifying a Lesser Version of Me

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I had another moment this week where a co-worker corrected my work – again I wasn’t slowing down and ensuring my work was complete. I started to react but I could see where I created it – it wasn’t my co-worker trying to do anything, it was me missing the work. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when a co-worker corrected my work in front of my boss in fear my boss would be upset and think I’m not a good workerI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a co-worker talking badly about me to others about the work that I doI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame a co-worker for doing something I imagined her doing, not something she actually did as far as I knowI forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, in realizing the problem and the solution to me reacting to a co-worker, still not apply the correction/solution and instead continue to move too fast and not pay attention to the finer…

Day 671: Integrity and the Finer Details

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Tuesday, April 7, 2020Today I reacted to a co-worker because I sent some document drafts and my co-worker responded with her ‘review’ and it was questioning why things were in there, and basically giving me the corrections needed. I reacted in that moment because I thought how she gets off on that – and I imagined she would talk shit about me later. I could also see how it was my lack of due diligence that caused so many corrections needed and I could see how my co-worker lives the word integrity. With her work – she does the nitty-gritty work and ensures her work is sound. I don’t and I can see where I would then react to her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to A in thinking and believing she wants me to make mistakesI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to A in thinking she is a goodie two shoes and does everything for praiseI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame Afor my mistakes instead of taki…

Day 670: Distractions, Pregnancy, and How to Communicate with the Body

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Written Monday, April 6, 2020Today the living word I was intent on living was Integrity. Part of this was in relation to who I am as now working from home – realizing there is the potential to become more distracted and less focused and for me, the point was to remain and live integrity as a principle of who I am and doing onto my employer as I would have done unto me if I were them and that is to have my employee remain focused within the time I’m paying them. I was mostly satisfied throughout the day until the end of the day where I got a bit more distracted. However, there was quite the improvement and I saw how in setting the intention to LIVE integrity in relation to my work, it supported in moments when I was distracted or wanted to be distracted. So I’m hopeful it will continue to support as I will continue to work with the word integrity. I am a bit distracted now because I want to know if I’m pregnant. I am still just under 2 weeks away from getting my period so I won't k…

669: Fear Programmed into Women

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Today while I was at work – alone on a Sunday due to the Covid19 “situation” as we are calling it – I kept having moments of fear and panic come up as I was ‘alone’ in this office. Despite it being early in the morning to the afternoon, I kept having this fear/image of someone being in the office that “didn’t belong” – that “wasn’t supposed to be there”. I feared someone would be lurking/waiting for me and “strike” when I least expected it. I also thought maybe a co-worker would come in and try to scare me. Every sound stood out and I froze, wondering, “is that a normal sound or is that a sound of something being wrong?”I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in my office building in thinking and believing that someone would be there or “get in” that wasn’t supposed to be there and end up harming meI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being raped, attacked and murdered while being alone in my office building because of a…