Day 671: Integrity and the Finer Details
Today I reacted to a co-worker because I sent some document drafts and my co-worker responded with her ‘review’ and it was questioning why
things were in there, and basically giving me the corrections needed. I reacted in that moment because I thought how she gets off on that – and I imagined she
would talk shit about me later.
I could also see how it was my lack of due diligence that
caused so many corrections needed and I could see how my co-worker lives the word
integrity. With her work – she does the nitty-gritty work and ensures her work
is sound. I don’t and I can see where I would then react to her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react to A in thinking and believing she wants me to make mistakes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react to A in thinking she is a goodie two shoes and does everything for
praise
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
blame Afor my mistakes instead of taking responsibility for my mistakes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe A deliberately wants to make me look bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
tthink and believe A can make me look bad instead of taking responsibility
for my own work and who I am in the work I do reflects “how I look”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not see A’s strength and integrity when it comes to work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
attempt to diminish Afor who she is instead of realizing she is a great
example of living integrity within the context of her work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
blame A for her shortcomings and not be willing to see her strengths
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
rather focus on A’s faults instead of
considering correcting my own behavior
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not want to put in the time and effort as the nitty-gritty within the work I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
be impatient with the work that I do and just “want to move through it as fast
as I can” instead of realizing how I am separating myself from real-time in
attempting to go faster than practical reality as the jobs I have to do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not yet fully embrace and welcome those tasks I resist as the support to
ground myself in my body/physical/beingness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want to move faster than practical reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not be patient within the work that I do because I feel rushed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe I have to rush through the work that I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
rush through the work that I do because I think and believe if I do things
quicker I can get done faster instead of realizing it’s the same hours in the day I have to work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
resist the finer details
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see A as the gift she is in showing how to pay attention to the finer
details
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear being “called out” for doing less than average work in fear of losing my
job
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want to do subpar work but to be seen as great
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want to praise without putting in the effort
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want the recognition without doing the work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
compromise for the surface instead of having the foundation of integrity
When and as I see myself reacting to A, I stop and I
breathe. I see, realize, and understand that A is a gift and a key to my
self-reflection and that there is a lot about her I can learn from in my own
process of self-transformation. I commit myself to thus not get caught up in
the reactions I have towards Abut to rather see the slurry of gifts she
offers as the reactions I have toward her and I further commit to working with
the reactions I have towards A in a practical, constructive way, like I am
doing here
When and as I see myself becoming impatient with work and
wanting to rush through the work and not slow down to see the finer details, I
stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this is one of the things I
require to strengthen as it is not my strong suit and so I commit myself to
slow down when I come across those activities that I resist as “just wanting to
get through it” and to rather see the gift as the moment of practice to walk
myself through the work and practicing paying attention to the finer details
I commit myself to see others as gifts of self-reflection
I commit myself to realize and understand that those I have
the harshest reactions towards are the ones holding the most precious gifts for
me
I commit myself to practicing paying attention to the details of life
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