Kristina's Journey to Life

What I'm going to do here is support myself to write in the moment. A lot of times I come prepared with something to write about - with an idea or point specifically I want to write about, or more so a point I hold onto as to ensure I have 'something' to write about, as another way to get this over with, to make sure I have something so I'm not feeling like I have nothing to offer or.... it's like a long pause here and second guessing myself in this moment, wanting to stop and try something else. Always looking for the best way to place myself as these words, or how can I do something 'better' that will make me more comfortable within how I think I am presenting myself to others and how in turn others will respond/react to me and of course, always wanting the most desirable outcome I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prepare and present myself as these words in a way that makes me look the best and that will give me the...

So cunning the mind can be as the influence over us in how we experience ourselves and how we trust it’s pictures to be showing us reality when in actual reality all we are within is an experience that makes us feel good and that we will hold onto as long as we can without realizing it’s the illusion. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into hope at the words of another implying a change within my reality as what I define to be ‘positive’ in relation to how it serves my self interest and self definition and so when another speaks words of implying a change within my reality that I define to be positive – go into hope as the imagination plays out within my mind of what it will be like and how it will go and how I will feel – of course always within a ‘happy light’ as the mind does not take into consideration actual reality and what it will actually take as physical actions to produce an outcome that one could be satisfied with but instead s...

Hope as it currently exists is another form of 'positive thinking'/energy high wherein we attempt to make ourselves feel better in the face of what our reality is revealing. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as hope as a feeling of ‘hopefulness’ as if to say, “despite how I experience myself, I will ignore that and instead go into hope – because hope makes me feel better and within hope, I don’t have to take responsibility for myself or my world, I can just pretend everything is ok and be pleased with myself in how hope makes me feel” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in the feeling of hope I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to question the feeling of hope I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use hope as an excuse to not face myself within believing that “everything will be ok” and “things will get better” and “everything will turn out ok” i...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe there is a power greater than myself that will forgive me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in god as a power greater than myself as the only being in existence that can forgive me I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that unless I can forgive myself no one, including such a god, could forgive me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect another, such as a god, to forgive me when I have not yet forgiven myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the idea that there is a god that will forgive me for allowing abuse and hate and separation to exist within me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in judgments and hate and abuse to/towards others in this reality and use the excuse that god forgives me as a way to not take responsibility for who I am and what I participate as an allowance of my nature...