545: The New Girl, The Nuisance
I recently started a new job so I'm in a new environment with new people, learning new tasks and responsibilities. And immediately what I saw within the first few days of starting was this growing fear of being a nuisance and in the way of others - being a bother to them, because I don't know the system of the job, as I'm still learning it, and so I in a way see myself as 'fucking up the flow' of the office.... And I realize here it's not actually about how others see/experience me. It's absolutely about how I see/experience myself and I have for a long time seen myself as a bother, or being in the way, or a nuisance to others. Well no more. I am grateful to see this experience first hand in this new environment as I can better look, dissect, and dismantle the hold of fear has. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting in people's way at work I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a b