Kristina's Journey to Life

A couple months ago we got a ton of snow in our area, and left our vehicles buried, with us requiring to shovel them out. There are four of us living in our house, using the driveway, and when only my partner and I were shoveling it out, I went into some reactions about the other two who also use the driveway. For me it revealed expectations I have towards others, that I don't necessarily live myself. And wanting others to 'follow the rules' as per some law or guidelines, instead of giving more value to the principles in which we guide ourselves , as individuals, instead of needing something external to 'show  us the way'. Definitely things to reflect on for myself - taking the reaction back to myself in seeing the real issue I have was ME, not anyone else. If each can stand within such a position, taking responsibility for THEMSELVES - man, what a world that would be. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always look at others to bl...

Recently I've been looking at the point of direction. I have no clear cut, obvious , in your face 'point' as far as what I can direct myself towards. Never any 'gifts' or interests specifically, nothing I'm drawn to, or that I find motivation to get involved with. I never really had 'a point' in life, and in a way, I've allowed that to be an excuse for myself to not give myself direction. Because without a specific point that clearly waves the flag of 'come hither... come to me, learn this, do this, embrace and be involved in this' I've rather allowed myself to be consumed by distractions. Whether that be work, movies, tv series, life dramas like gossip and things that don't really matter or nurture any real potential of the life within. In the absence of direction, I've given myself distractions. So it's been an excuse... for a very long time I can see the theme song playing in my head, "I have no point, I have no p...

This is a continuation from the previous blog - here writing out and committing to how I can and will change in a moment in relation to reacting to another's reaction towards me, and the pattern of 'same old, same old.' When and as I see myself wanting to automatically react to another when they react to me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my ‘wanting to react’ is just a reaction , and that it’s my responsibility to stop, as well as taking responsibility for reacting in the first place, as the trigger that caused another to react in the first place. I commit myself to take responsibility for myself when a reaction to another's reaction occurs by breathing and not participating/going into the reaction When and as I see myself projecting images of past moments of conflict with another within my mind as a point of ‘here we go again’, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that it doesn’t have to be a ‘here we go again’, a...

Finishing up the last part of this blog series I've been walking. Read the following for context: 414: Hiding Out in a Limitation 415: The Belief about Self behind a Limitation 416: Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable Experience 417: A Compromise and Consequence of Self-Interest When and as I see myself holding onto a fear rather than considering others in my environment and how my actions may affect them physically, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I’m giving more value to a fear than actual physical reality , and only through accepting and allowing self interest could create such a point and so I commit myself to stop existing within my own self interest and instead dare to consider those around me, and how my actions effect them, and how in my lack of change, I can create consequences not only for myself, but for others as well When and as I see myself existing within a starting point of want/fear of getting/not getting the lesser traf...

***This is another blog taken from my own writing before and in relation to my trip to NY Monday, November 18th, 2013 Today a pimple is emerging on the left side of my face, right outside of my lips and it’s swollen a bit which I have had this same point emerge before. When I saw it, I reacted to it and thought “Oh no – not while I’m on camera” and I imagined it would get bigger and I would look foolish and not attractive on television. I then imagined my face breaking out and not ‘feeling’ good about the interview and in this fear my experience would become unstable and not be able to effectively communicate within the interview. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within a pimple growing on my face and within this fear it will only get bigger and it will be apparent on television and then within this feared others judging me as I've judged myself as not looking good with the pimple I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ...

Here the self corrective statements and commitment in relation to my previous blog post: When and as I see myself reacting toward another's words, expression or behavior in relation to feeling unworthy or not good enough, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here, back to my body, back to where real worth exists as who I am as the physical, as life and so I breathe within seeing/realizing/understanding that the reaction is in separating myself from the relationship with me - the relationship I have within my own self worth and indicate I am not yet giving/living self worth as who I am here and so I commit myself to stop looking for worth outside of myself here, outside of the very breath I breathe and commit to realizing that real worth as who I am is defined and determined in every moment of breath, every thought, word, deed and as who I am in this life, how I live, what principles I stand by - those are the real determining factors of self worth and thus I com...

Here I am stopping and starting over and bringing myself back within the commitment and self agreement I once placed for myself yet gave up within the energies of hope and desire . The process of getting to know self, forgiving self and then actually, practically, physically changing self is not an easy process, yet it's one that I cannot deny nor ignore because I am always here with simply me. Everything that exists as me as thought , word and deed - is ME. There is nothing or no one outside of me to blame, to validate me, to confirm yay or nay to the ideas I hold about me, to give to me what I am looking for. I will never find an answer outside of the questions I ask myself. So I am starting over as the starting point from which I walk my Journey to life and my Process in general - getting back to the simple principles and tools that have brought me this far and I will trust within myself to apply and that will support me to continue walking this process of self honesty and...

A point I would like to give direction to is 'who I am' at work. Specifically this is in regards to the communication - or rather the spew that comes out of my mouth and others while "communicating" at work. I see how much lack of awareness and self responsibility exists, within me, when I am at work. The words that come out of other people's mouths and my own is astounding. It's like there is absolutely no consideration for life or humanity existent within our words, let alone awareness of what our words actually imply and how they so nicely reflect the reality of ourselves as what we have created and allowed ourselves to become. I saw the point of responsibility to 'put a guard' over my mouth before I speak and for awhile there I was actually walking this application and would not allow myself to participate in certain types of conversations - such as gossip or back chat dialogue - where it's like whatever comes up in people's mind, usu...

Why do we believe in God? In a form 'higher then ourselves'? A power greater then us? All people believe in some from of greater being. Why? Why do we allow this? Is it Hope that theres something better for us - that this LIfe is just temporary - it's not real, that the real life is with god in the 'afterlife'? Why do we accept this belief? This lie that we make up in our minds. Maybe if we lived in a world where there was no need to survive, all was given for LIfe - such as food and water and shelter. If we lived in a System that supported EveryONE to be Here equally - where it didn't matter where you are from or how much money you have or dont have. The simple fact that You are HERE - gives you a right to LIFE. To live. To be provided for. If we lived in such a world - we would not need a belief in a god - of something greater - of a mystery we are trying to solve... wiating to see who is right and just holding on till we find out. We would be LIV...