Kristina's Journey to Life

A point here of feeling like nothing is normal - I am currently healing from a couple wisdom teeth being removed and so it's completely shifted what I've been doing the last few days, what I am able to do, what I can eat and can't eat - totally changing my routine and within that, within me, there is a yearning for "normalcy" as a point of the external environment being my point of stability - the normalcy keeping me feeling normal. The realization that it must come from within me and this exercise in being outside my comfort zone as my routine being completely shifted shows a deception within me where I created stability to come from outside of myself as my daily routine instead of from within/as myself as who I am... I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my physical condition as 'just wanting things back to normal' and to within this, force myself and my body to be normal even though I am causing more harm than good ...

I don’t want to write , and the excuses coming up are, “I’ve been in school all day, I just want to relax” and “I have a head ache, I just want to lay down” and “I want to go to bed early to ensure I get up early tomorrow and break this habit I have been creating of staying up late and getting up late in the day” And so seeing these thoughts as persuasive, I almost gave in… yet I wont give up, and I will remove this until only I remain, the I that is here as breath that decided who I am and what I do, and no longer allowing my mind to direct me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to writing as the back chat of, “I’ve been in school all day, I just want to relax” within believing that I am actually too tired to take the time and support myself in writing myself out, to make sure I am clear and direct myself and not being a slave to the mind telling me what to do I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to tempt ...