Kristina's Journey to Life

"I LOVE Life" This is a what displayed on a shirt I use to wear, bright yellow, with the "love" being represented by a big red heart. That's how I wanted to exists, as "loving life", and everything was wonderful, and beautiful and 'all was well'. This is a delusion I wanted and chose to exist within and as - because the other shit of this world, I did not care to see, or acknowledge, and of course never take responsibility for. So it was easy to "Love Life" - as I had a job, and a home, and was secure in the fight for survival. But what did this "Loving Life" actually do - blind me from REALITY. I was too busy pretending this world was so grand and great, that I could not see the suffering... I could not see the pain, I could not see the millions asking for help. I could not see what was causing the problems.. I did not want to accept there was a problem, I accepted the mask that said, "I'm ok, Life is good...

Love. What is Love? When I was a child - and would hear the radio - I noticed a peculiar thing. Everyone was signing about love. And it appeared in a wide variety of ways. Happy songs of Love - sad songs of Love - no matter what though - as a child... I wondered about this thing that everyone seemed to be so consumed by. What is Love? Is Love a feeling? A feeling to have to/towards someone - yet it fluxuates and is never stable - as it changes and alters and turns into other things - such as hate. I suppose this is the relationship defintion of Love - when to people 'fall in love' then 'fall outta love'. So it's like this 'space' we enter. This place we go to where we feel all these wonderful things that completely take us over and we forget about everything else in our world. Love is a drug? It has to be. As it is used to 'feel something' - to have an experience - and it is dependent upon something else; usually another being. How fascinat...