Kristina's Journey to Life

In the last few months I started to really see a change within me with regards to my daily schedule. I started actually giving myself daily direction in terms of getting to and sorting out and completing what was necessary to be done throughout my day. Some points are daily, wherein I have giving myself the responsibility to walk with a group that requires my equal participation in supporting a message that is best for all. This was priority to me. I have been in school, educating myself within the system to provide myself with the means in which have become necessary to move myself in the system most effectively - that was a priority. Going to class, doing my homework and staying active within my schools community as far as tutoring and interacting with my peers. I have a process that I am walking within all of this - a daily self reflection with writing, self forgiveness and self commitment/corrective statements and application - this was my number one priority. This is the ...

What use is the knowledge of breathing if it is not utilized/lived/applied? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the knowledge of breath as self support is useless without application I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself with/as breathing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself in not using breath to support myself and instead give into my addictive tendency as seeking energy within/as my mind I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to prevent consequences of how I experience myself in wanting to run away and sleep away my experience because I did not support myself with breathing and instead allowed myself to go within my mind, in using physical energy as substance for the purposes of self interest and within that experience myself as physically sick and weak as I see what I was accepting and allowing and did not stop myself I fo...

Recently I sat down with a math instructor to go over some math material as review because I am unable to make it to the tutor training sessions during the week, as I am in class during those times . She gave me some “constructive criticism” – and said that, lol – specifically, to take a breath before I speak when working on problems – as she said I seemed to react to quickly to thinking I don’t know how to do something. And within this – I can see this is helpful and I can use as support for me, as I do think I am not effective enough in math to tutor another, or fear I will not know something when helping another student. So support coming from all areas of my life and can be applied in all areas as well... Stop, breathe and become aware of myself before proceeding with word or action. Do not live as a reaction, instead live in self honest, self awareness to realize all the self judgments are self created and thus useless to live effectively. I forgive myself that I have accepted...

Seeing a reaction of self judgments to/towards my body and within this exist within the starting point of "desire to be thin" as the decision to work out I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical body and it's shape/form I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the starting point of self judgment projected onto my body, desire to 'work out'/exercise within the desire to make this feeling of 'being fat' go away, without considering the reasons for why I am in judgment of my body in the first place, and thus only accepting the self definition of being fat within then working out because of this as a way I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work out within the desire to "look good" based on a picture/image within my mind that i have accepted as the definition of "looking good", not realizing it has been programmed into me through family, friends, me...

Before I came across Desteni - I had placed myself in a peculiar situation in my Life. At the time, I was in a relationship of over 2 years. We both were placed in a peculiar situation where a decision had to be made. I made my choice.. and he made his. We were in disagreement. It was easy for him to 'talk me out of it' and I, in the end, decided to go along with his decision. It was a decision I would later regret... and this is where I found Self Forgiveness. It was almost or just over a year since me and my boyfriend made a decision within our relationship that altered it's course forever. If we had chose to go the other route - things would be much different. However, we didn't, and here I was... hating myself. Constantly thinking about what I did within the decision we made - how much I regretted it and thinking about what would be if I chose the other way. Constantly these thoughts came up - over and over and over again.. and I could not stop myself fro...

Writing: A couple weeks ago I was at work. I was talking with a co-worker about ‘the system’. I don’t recall the specifics about what he was saying or what I was saying – I only recall my experience in relation to offering a solution. In general we were talking about how the System – the economic System – is basically a brutal system that does not consider what is best for all. It was messed up and rough to exist in such a system. There was a sense of ‘this is how it is – oh well’ within it – and I saw myself want to offer a solution – such as an Equal money System. I imagined myself saying, “That is Why I stand for an Equal Money System – as it takes on the core point of why this world is the way it is” – but I didn’t. I resisted. I went into fear – or, I allowed fear to exist within and as me – and so I stayed silent. I immediately went into regret – as I saw that this was an opportunity to offer a solution to another that they might not have considered themselves. That perh...