Kristina's Journey to Life

  May 6, 2020 A point here of nearing my bedtime but having so much I still want to do. I then react to myself not getting to everything but refuse to consider staying up later to get to all the things due to a fear of being tired in the morning. Where's the directive principle, am I right? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and anxious when I do not get to “all the things” I wanted to do as an expectation I put onto myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a failure if I do not get to “all the things” I wanted to do instead of considering the practical reality of what I am able to do rather then what I want to do I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the time it takes something to do as a point of blaming it for taking “too much time” and keeping me from doing the other things I want to do I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame oth...

Yesterday I noticed a cool point come up within me. I had a lot of responsibilities staring at me during the day – a lot of things requiring my attention. Not because I had allowed them to pile up or because of some lack of responsibility created such a consequence – simply the timing of things and before me were many things needed to get done. Or at least that’s what I thought. I am currently in the process of getting my work permit for Canada – and am in the final stages of the approval process. I got a few documents that I required yesterday to continue on with it, and two weeks to get them completed and submitted. Within this – I felt this urgency come up like I wanted to ‘get it done NOW’. Though – I also had some others things I needed to do… I am hosting a hangout this week that needed some attention in terms of sorting out some technical issues, and going over the material/topic for the hangout, I had some e-mails to get to in order to organize some points, I also have m...

Continuing with the Napping Distractions and some words to support myself to correct/change the pattern and relationship I've created towards it I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship towards sleeping/napping that is a point of distraction within my life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use napping within a starting point of self interest and not as physical support as rest for my physical body when/as it's required I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use sleeping/napping as a way in which to avoid, hide out, run away and essentially, not take responsibility for myself in this Life and in this World and simply, each of my days I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use sleeping/napping as a point of distraction from not becoming self directive in all things in my life I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define sleeping as...

In my previous blog I was discussing the point of lists and how through writing down all the points I was seeing within me that I wanted to do, wanted to direct, wanted to give attention to, but had not yet done - I found stability and a release from the experience I was having as not being very clear and having all these things mulling around inside of me. And in turn created such an experience throughout my days. So in the list I made, 4 things were laid out for me to face and ultimately give myself direction with. Since writing the list I see another point that is more of a priority than what I had actually written down because it's a point that supports in providing the time required to do the others things from my list. And it's a point that has been cycling throughout my life where I give into the action in an act of self dishonesty - as hiding from myself/not facing myself, in avoiding things, in giving up - not actually moving myself. The point here is napping. ...

Early today I was writing about some reactions I was having as questioning myself from a conversation from the night before. I was bringing the points back to myself where although I was stable in what I was communicating about, I also saw how I was separating myself from some points I was expecting another to give - so here is the SF for that (the 2nd part of this blog is from later in the day, after some realizations in relation to these points): I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations of ‘how’ an agreement /partnership should be walked in comparing my ideas to the reality of our current situation and then be in judgment that we are not walking it ‘right’ and thus judge and blame another as being the reason we are not walking an agreement/partnership ‘right' I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to blame another as the reason I experience myself not walking an agreement/partnership effectively instead of realizing...